The Essential Connection

Raising consciousness via sporting achievement

2007-12-07T13:46:00.000Z

I'm not that keen on reading newspapers and find that I often only buy them because of the sports pages. In fact some of the best, the most moving, writing comes from sports journalists. Sporting participation, whether on a professional or amateur basis is a channel for personal development.

Recently the English national rugby player, Jonny Wilkinson, described that how following some of the doctrines of Buddhism had helped him calm his mind and, it implied, improved his rugby (although he did stress that he wasn't a Buddhist - old habits die hard) In fact in a more recent article he has gone even further in talking about karma and.....

"it is about saying I am going to be of value, looking at the charity side of things, thinking about being compassionate. It is not always about achieving selfish goals. That’s egotistical.”

A few months ago I saw an interview on TV with a German goalkeeper, Oliver Kahn (known for his macho reputation), who mentioned that he often used his intuition when deciding which way to go in a penalty shootout.

I was surprised by his admission, but also the ease with which he mentioned it. I'm not used to people (and men in particular) mentioning their intuition in such a positive way. Although in retrospect, it is obvious, as sport offers the ideal arena in which to exercise it.

Joey Barton, an English soccer player with a "bad boy" reputation, states that: "I don’t think I’ll ever be judged on this earth. Whatever higher power it is, when you finally meet him you’ve got to answer for every decision you’ve made. I believe I can stand in front of my maker and say, ‘Yeah, I did this for this reason, that for this reason". He also mentions that he thinks he has a higher calling, but that football is no longer it.

Sport is a channel for creativity, self expression, personal and spiritual growth and development (whether or not it is always recognised in those terms by its participants) and ultimately a method of raising consciousness.

As Gabby Logan writes in the London Times:

“The journey” is all-important. Every one of these brilliant individuals sets goals and most achieve them, but they all somehow manage to exist in the moment................................It’s about how they find the courage to step back up to the plate when things go wrong and how they deal with increased expectation every time they add to their success.....living in the moment and enjoying the journey is something most of us could aspire to on our new year’s resolution list".

A design for life.

A Sporting Addiction

2007-11-30T12:06:00.000Z

Soon after writing the last post on the hidden benefits of long standing problems, the English Football Association (F.A) sacked the manager, Steve McClaren, after England failed to qualify for next year's 2008 European championship.

What I find fascinating about the whole scenario is the subsequent feeding frenzy over who the manager should be and why England failed to qualify.

The same ideas get bandied around all of the time, with some variations. There are too many foreign players, English players are not technically skilled enough, English international players are overpaid prima donnas without heart, guts, pride or passion etc, etc. What I find interesting is how long these ideas have been around. Commentators, administrators, players, managers have been saying for years that English players are not technically skilled, this is nothing new. Building football academies was one way to address this, but it doesn't seem to have borne significant fruit.

The last time England failed to qualify for a major competition was the 1994 World Cup and there weren't that many foreigners playing in the Premier League. England had also failed to qualify for both the 1974 and 1978 World Cups when there were very few foreign players so that doesn't hold. The players then were not perceived as overpaid prima donnas either.

After England lost to Portugal on penalties in the 2006 World Cup, I wrote a post about the failure of the national team to win a major football competition in the past 40 years and how this was due to unconscious energetic blocks.

Something similar is going on with the soul searching over the national game.

I think that media, commentators, administrators, players and manager are unconsciously addicted to the problem. I sense that they are comfortable with the problem. It keeps them within their comfort zone. They can tinker with the "problem", play with it and make it look as though they are doing something, without any real intention or feeling that things will shift.

What would happen if England had a world beating football team that actually delivered? I think that this idea would make a lot of people in English (and it is primarily an English issue) very uncomfortable. They'd have to change and shift their thinking and their perception. They are actually more comfortable with the idea of mediocrity. That is what they are used to. It offers a form of protection that they are unconsciously unwilling to release.

Until they do, then continue to see the emotional rollercoaster that is the English national football team.

The Alternative Approach to Problem Solving

2007-11-16T11:46:00.000Z

A few years ago a friend (lets call her "M") told me that she had a friend who was forever complaining about a situation in her life, whether it was her job or living with her mother. My friend used to helpfully offer her solutions about looking for another job and a new place to live, none of which her friend took a blind bit of notice of.

It then dawned on M that her friend didn't actually want to solve the problem(s) at all. She just liked talking about them!

Do you know people in your life like this, who are forever complaining about a situation, but takes no steps to resolve it? Are you that person? Such people can be seen as energy vampires, you mistakenly think that they are asking for assistance, but they are just venting and you are draining your energy in seeking to help them.

But why would they complain about situations they have no intention of resolving? It doesn't make sense. Or does it?

Actually, it makes a lot of sense.

Reasons for long standing or recurring problems

1. Being wedded to the problem

Problems are often a way of protecting you from seeing and feeling a deeper and more profound truth about yourself. When I use the phrase "being wedded to the problem", I mean literally that, because getting a divorce from them feels very threatening. Long standing problems in particular often form part of our identity. We begin to see them as part of us. But they are NOT us. They are mental, emotional and energetic constructs which obscures our true essence and power.

2. Connection by complaint

Some friendships and relationships are based on connecting via problems and complaints. It's what I call "connection by complaint". Bonding takes place for reasons of safety, survival and often via crisis or dependency. If you make the conscious decision to start connecting from a more empowered place, rather than a problem based one, this could mean the end of the relationship.

I've noticed that some older people often connect by talking their age related ailments. This also operates as a form of bonding, something that they have in common. Another example is of an overprotective parent always worrying about an adult child. The worry is subconsciously serving a positive function for the parent, as they may believe that their worry shows that they care and that they are connected to their child, rather than disempowering them.

Another variant on this is connection by conflict. Having a common enemy gives individuals common ground to connect. Scapegoating is often the result. In personal relationships, frequent arguments, fights and drama may be the only way that is known to connect to a partner.

3. Home Alone

Many of us are afraid that true empowerment means that we'll end up alone. It's as if somehow we won't be loved unless we have problems or perceive that we have problems. If we're seen as too self sufficient, people may not gravitate towards us.

We will not be seen as human, as vulnerable or having feet of clay. Problems keep us grounded. So we will often hold onto our problems because we feel that we are loved for having them. Having problems connects us to others and may make us feel more compassionate than we might otherwise be. Problems also provide us with attention.

Energetic resolutions

Resolutions to long standing or recurring problems can often be found in our energetic field and subconscious, where they resist traditional problem solving techniques. If you want to find alternative ways to resolving long standing problems, then look at doing the following.

1. Start asking yourself questions

This is actually the hardest part, because asking yourself incisive questions means that you'll come up with answers that you may not be willing to hear! However, as we shall see, you can use simple energetic techniques to start releasing your resistance. Questions to ask yourself include:

What is the advantage of having this problem?
What is the downside to not having this problem?
What is the problem protecting you from?
How safe will you feel not having this problem?
What do you fear not having this problem will expose you to?Why have you defined it as a problem?

The answers to what is going on will help you realise how your problem is assisting you. Without knowing what is at the root of a longstanding or recurring problem often means that people try harder to resolve it at a conscious level. But traditional problem solving techniques have been tried on long standing problems, so if they're not working they're is something else going on.

For instance, if repeated attempts to find a job aren't working, you may want to consider that you actually don't want a job at all. It is likely to be that unconscious conflicts are preventing you from finding a job. It might be that the job that you are qualified to do or have been doing is no longer aligned with who you are.

But rather than admit that to yourself or other people, which could well be very threatening, you go through the motions of looking for a job, not getting it, because you are vibrationally aligned with it and then you can say: "Well I tried, but I didn't get it" and people will sympathise because at least you've been trying or seen to be trying.

2. Allow yourself to want to keep the problem

Paradoxically, once you acknowledge that you want to keep hold of the problem (especially if you now know how it is serving you), it often becomes less of a problem, as you can now begin to see it for the illusion that it actually is. Let it be okay to have and to hold. Admit to yourself that your problem is serving you and that,in some ways, you actually enjoy it; it provides you with attention, justification, your ego just loves it. Lighten up around the problem and it lightens its grip on you.

Remember that problems are illusory. They just seem real and often we manifest physical symbols and responses to our feelings and energetic patterns towards problems.

3. Release the energetic pattern of the problem

One way to view a long standing problem is to use your imagination and see it as an energetic pattern which can be released. This is what the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) does, it releases the negative energy and beliefs which the problem consists of. Because we are often wedded to our problems, EFT offers a way for us to detach from the problem by allowing us to state all our feelings around the problems, whilst releasing the energy behind it.

It allows to us to state all of the feelings that we often feel uncomfortable about saying, but are within our belief system and energetic patterning. Try using EFT whilst asking yourself incisive questions about your problem and see what your unconscious brings up. You may be very surprised! Alternatively, visit an EFT Practitioner, at least for a couple of sessions to start getting to what is behind a long standing or recurring problem

Dealing With Energy Vampires Part 3: Setting boundaries by raising your consciousness

2007-10-30T13:08:00.000Z

I read an article by Steve Pavlina on how our relationships with other people are only ever projections of our relationship with ourselves. He says that our internal and external relationships are the same and that we are only viewing our relationships through the lens of our own consciousness. It also means that we are acting in accordance to our levels of consciousness as well.

With this in mind, we can start to look at our relationships differently and see that any problems that we have in a relationship are only signals to change our consciousness and relationships we have with ourselves.

Steve Pavlina gives an example of tidiness. He is tidy. His wife is not. This could be a source of conflict between himself and his wife. But now he understands it as a projection of his internal conflict and takes it to mean that his desire for his wife to be tidier is really his desire to be more tidy himself. So he worked on improving his standards of tidiness.

As he did this his wife became more organized and tidy.

Be The Change That You Want To See

It seems that this change is due to the change in his own energy vibration and consciousness which his wife then (unconsciously it seems) responded to. This approach can best be summarised by Gandhi's phrase: "Be the change you want to see". I have heard this phrase for a long time, but only recently has it actually sunk in as to how powerful it is.

What does this have to do with setting boundaries?

Every article I read on setting boundaries talks about voicing setting external boundaries. It's about telling people what is and isn't acceptable and taking action (if necessary) to enforce your boundaries.

All well and good, but look at it through this new filter. What if people breaching your boundaries was a signal to you to stop breaching your own boundaries? As within, so without. When you stop disrespecting your own boundaries, then others will stop doing so. They will have heeded the unconscious energetic vibration that you are giving out.

It's not just a nice theory. I experience a change in in how I'm treated when I respect my own boundaries and when I don't.

Breaching my own boundaries

I've been breaching my own boundaries recently through lack of self care and because of that was asked to do something that violated my values. Feeling tired, I just gave in and thought that it would be all right to do so. Afterwards I experienced a great deal of anger - a sure sign that a boundary had been breached.

In fact, I had breached my own boundaries much much earlier over a period of time and since we are all connected what happened was merely an external manifestation of it. It was a real wake up call.

How do we breach our own boundaries?

There are numerous ways to do so because human beings are infinitely creative, however you may recognise yourself in the following:

- Lack of self care. Looking after yourself on a physical level gives you the energy to take your place fully in the world. Highly sensitive people, in particular, need to sleep well and at an appropriate time, eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and have a regular spiritual practice. Self care is probably the most important one on this list. The rest will come easier if your physical body is well cared for. The result aren't just physical, it contributes to your emotional self management and regulation.

- Going against your values (if you know what they are) is a fundamental breach of boundaries and sense of self. Doing something to go along with the crowd when it jars with you is a popular one.

- By not doing what brings you joy and living with the heaviness of duty, obligation, anger and resentment.

- Becoming a chronic people pleaser - trying to manage others' emotions because you can't bear it if they're unhappy, angry etc. You try to manage them because you find it difficult to manage your own.

- Having negative and self limiting thoughts and beliefs about your capabilities. Thought often enough, these thoughts become part of your energy field and you begin radiating those negative beliefs, which other people pick up on and manifest for you in a more tangible form.

Honouring your boundaries energetically

Many articles will often state that you should identify what your boundaries are and make them clear to others around you. It's one way of doing it, I suppose, but what they neglect to mention is that it is your vibration which determines if your boundary is honoured or how often you have to repeat the action.

If you feel energetically shaky or ambivalent (for whatever reason) whilst attempting to strengthen your boundaries, others will not take your word seriously because they sense that you are vibrationally confused about the boundary yourself.

It is a good idea to start writing down what your boundaries are (and it helps to identify them first by noting times when you've been/felt angry or resentful and asking yourself what boundary has been transgressed).

Then use energy psychology, something simple and self applied for instance, like the Emotional Freedom Technique to start addresssing some of these issues. You can also visit an EFT practitioner to help you address issues relating to the setting of boundaries, which often masks other problems.

It may seem harder to address setting boundaries this way, but it is actually more effective and less energy consuming. If you use energy psychology on what your boundaries are, people unconsciously sense a vibrational change and won't breach them, so that you don't have to say anything - your vibration does it for you. And it is always your vibration that people are actually responding to; not your words.

This concept is a great way to start addressing problems and conflicts in your life and goes against the grain of blaming others or taking the popular victim stance.

Dealing with Energy Vampires: Part 2 – How to Stop Being an Energy Vampire (and attracting Energy Vampires)

2007-09-24T13:34:00.000Z

As I’ve thought about the different ways in which to stop being an Energy Vampire (E.V), it is obvious yet again that similar guidance applies to stop being an E.V.A.

And it’s more than about a listing of things to do, more than just a set of procedures to follow. What I find missing in articles dealing with this subject is the importance of context and setting your life in a broader context.

HOW TO STOP BEING AN ENERGY VAMPIRE

1. Develop a Compelling Vision For Your Life

If all someone wants to do is to stop being an E.V, then that in and of itself is not a compelling reason to stop. This is about setting your life in a broader context. It is about a complete reorientation of your approach. It’s about developing a vision of your life that pulls you in and inspires you to make changes. It is about developing a structure that supports what you want to be and achieve in life (note the order).

What part of yourself have you cut off? When did you stop dreaming? What dreams did you have as a child? When did you stop feeling less than alive inside? What makes you feel excited? If you had all the resource and support in the world what would you do? What is your mission in life? Where are you shortchanging yourself?

If you’re an energy vampire, you have cut yourself off from the Universal Source that is available for all of us and relying on taking from those who are less than secure in setting boundaries regarding their own energy.

Developing a compelling vision isn’t something that necessarily happens in a flash of inspiration, although it could do. There are different ways to discover and uncover it. One popular way is to write your own obituary. This normally frightens people, at least initially, but it certainly shows you where the gaps are in your life.

Steve Pavlina offers a very good way of discovering your life purpose in which you: 1. take out a blank piece of paper or open up a word processor file. 2. Write at the top: “What is my true purpose in life?”. 3. Write any answer that pops into your head. 4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose. I recommend this because I’ve done it and it really does work.

You can also engage a Coach/Therapist/Counsellor to help you with this. Or do it with a friend. The point is, until you have something bigger that encompasses your life and informs your behaviour and actions, it’s unlikely that you’ll be inspired enough to make those changes.

If you are purposeful, passionate and create appropriate structures in your life to support your vision, solutions tend to present themselves as a by product and self destructive behaviour tends to fall away.

2. Reorient Your Attitudes and Beliefs

What gets in the way of developing your vision, setting up more effective and beneficial structures and habits is often your own unconscious and limiting beliefs. Case study after case study on the Emotional Freedom Technique site illustrates this. Often these beliefs were formed (imposed) upon you when you were too young to resist and are still unconsciously driving you and most likely stopping you from living a fuller life.

If you’re an E.V one of those beliefs is likely to be that you deserve to have other people’s time, expertise and energy, often free of charge. You probably don’t realise that we all have access to Source Energy or Universal Flow and that if you are an E.V, you have blocked your own access and are siphoning off other people’s energy, who don’t have protection from yours.

If you’re an E.V.A, one of those beliefs is likely to be that other people come first in your life. You must always help other people, often at the detriment to your own physical and emotional well being.

Another limiting belief is that you are not responsible for your feelings and emotions and that other people are. Because E.V.As in particular feel that, at some level, they are responsible for the way that other's feel and that they must manage them, they also expect the same in return. This rarely happens.

It is not always about making things happen, but allowing things to happen, which implies a kind of passivity, but in fact is a very effective use of energy. It’s about working smarter (if indeed you call it work at all) not harder. Taking other people’s energy actually takes more energy than allowing yourself access to Source Energy.

Releasing your limiting beliefs about yourself and the world around you will do so much to increase your own energy levels. These beliefs can often be very hard to detect because they’ve been part of your energy system for such a long time. Energy psychology, especially EFT offers a fantastic way to recognise and release limiting beliefs. You may find, as I have done, that when you release beliefs that have weighed on you for long that you feel lighter. Because you are. (Check out the weight loss section on the search facility on the EFT site to read how beliefs literally weigh on us) EFT also offers ways to install more positive beliefs to replace the limiting ones that you’ve released.

Identify and Plug Your Energy Leaks

Whether you are an E.V or an E.V.A, you are leaking energy, either from being the subject of a vampiric attack or by taking other’s energy to make up for leakages in your own energy system. You know if an activity or a person’s presence either uplifts you or makes you want to run for the hills! Here are some of the most common ones.

1. Not enough sleep

Lack of sleep is one of the great stressors in modern industrialised society. Sleep allows us to process emotions, ideas and solutions. Sleep allows us to repair and renew our bodies; it also regulates our weight. And it’s not just a case of how much sleep, but when. Getting to sleep by 10pm gives you a better quality of sleep, more cleansing and deeply refreshing.

The importance of sleep really cannot be overstated. If insomnia is a problem, then writing down your issues before you sleep can help. Of course, the insomnia might be symptomatic of a much deeper problem, which you may need assistance with. EFT is a wonderfully self applied tool which can help you get to sleep at night. Developing a ritual around bedtime and relaxing before you sleep will also help.

2. Over stimulation and noise

Many of us are completely over stimulated. How many of us turn on the T.V or Radio or even play music as soon as we get in? Watching TV without really engaging with it is very tiring. Haven’t you had that experience of watching TV all day and feeling more tired than if you’d done something more energetic? It is draining. Turn it off and do something else instead. Or really watch something and enjoy it. Same thing with surfing the Internet. What are you distracting yourself from?

3. Spending too much time with people who drain you (naturally!)

This one is fairly obvious. For E.V.As there’s often a sense of acknowledgement or duty around spending time with E.Vs. They feel guilty if they don’t listen to their problems, especially if they are family members or friends. You don’t “owe” them. They're responsible for their own feelings. You owe yourself, first of all. Learning to set strong boundaries will help. I’ll write a separate post on this.

4. Unacknowledged and unprocessed anger and resentment

Unacknowledged and or unprocessed anger and resentment are one of the most effective energy drains. Their effectiveness lies in their unconsciousness. Are truly happy people E.Vs or E.V.As? I don’t think so. Thinking constantly about past hurts and finding it hard to move on makes it hard to live a fulfilling life. Releasing your anger and resentment is one of the best things that you can do for your health.

5. No or not enough exercise

Energy begets energy. Swimming, going to the gym, regular walks, go up and down the stairs instead of using the lift, Yoga, Pilates. Whatever floats your boat. But human beings are meant to move. So move. It grounds you.

6. Poor diet

I’m not talking about the different diet books that are out there. Just recognising the right kind of diet for you. It means noting what type of foods give you energy and which ones don’t. It may mean a bit of trial and error and experimentation. What it isn’t is following a faddy diet.

7. Lack of money

Money is just another form of energy, so once you raise your energy levels, you raise your capacity to make, create and attract more money. You are also more likely to see opportunities that you didn’t before because you have greater clarity.

8. Reduce overcommitment

Alternatively known as learning how to say “no”. This can be a really difficult one, especially if we’re addicted to being needed and have an ego that loves to be recognised and credited. Sometimes we'll also say yes out of duty and guilt and obligation. Again setting strong boundaries will help reduce the tendency to overcommit and reduce our energy levels.

9. Various forms of addictions

I’m not just talking about the hard ones that we all know about – drink, drugs, alcohol and gambling, but also “soft” addictions like shopping, surfing the Internet, watching TV. All forms of addictions are energy leakages of the highest order. Start clearing these up and feel your energy levels soar!

IDENTIFY WHAT GIVES YOU ENERGY

So, after plugging the gaps and leaks, you start to identify what gives you energy. Much of this will be the opposite of the list above ie get more sleep, reduce stimulation and noise, get more exercise, improve your diet and so on. And here are additional ones.

1. Spend time in nature

Being in nature is calming and soothing to our spirits, which is why property close to the sea or river, overlooking parks, in or close to the countryside commands higher prices than those which are not. Spending time in nature on a regular basis rejuvenates the spirit and increases your energy levels. I could never understand why, at lunch break, work colleagues would rush to buy their sandwiches and then eat them at their desk, when we were fortunate enough to work near parks no more than five minutes walk away.

2. Allow yourself more downtime

We all vary in our need for time and solitude. Highly Sensitive People in particular need plenty of time to process the energy around them and to ground and centre themselves. In not allowing yourself the time alone you need to refresh your batteries you are not only doing yourself, but other people around you, a grave disservice. That time is required for self regulation and emotional management. I find that ideas and solutions come to me more often in that downtime, than any amount of thinking about an issue.

3. Find a creative outlet

Your new found energy needs a positive outlet, otherwise it can go into other more self destructive activities. In fact I think that a lot of so called self destructive behaviour is normally a cry for help, to access the more creative and joyful part of ourselves (linked into the compelling vision of our lives).

4. Set strong boundaries

Setting strong boundaries is essential to nurture and enhance your mind, body and spirit. E.V.As suffer terribly from an inability or reluctance to set strong boundaries. And the ability to do so, especially on an energetic level, will reduce the risk of energy vampirism and free up your energy levels. This topic is so important that the next post and final part of this series will be devoted to setting strong boundaries.

Dealing with Energy Vampires: Part 1: Definitions of a Vampire

2007-09-17T18:35:00.000Z

I'm writing this post in response to a question left by Anonymous on a post I made titled: Energy Vampires: Cutting The Ties That Bind.

This subject is especially pertinent to me right now and is a very important one.

This will be a short series on this subject because it is such an important one and I thought that I'd start off with definitions and characteristics not just of the Energy Vampire (EV) but also those who tend to attract Energy Vampires, whom I shall call the Energy Vampire Attractors (EVA).

Most of what I’ve ready about energy vampirism suggests that the EV and the EVA are often different people. This can be true on occasion. There are some people whose loudness,boorishness and self centredness makes them very draining to be with (although others may also see them as life and soul of the party).

However, this is not always the case. I've been both an energy vampire and been the subject of energy vampirism and also have the benefit of the perspective of the Law of Attraction and the setting strong boundaries to provide further insight into this important topic.

What is an energy vampire?

There are various definitions and the most simplest one is that Energy Vampires are those people who suck the life force out of you. They are often highly people whose own energy is blocked, unbeknown to them and therefore they seek to extract it from others. They may also be attention seekers, very insecure in and of themselves and needing the energy of others (ie their attention) to validate their worth.

Characteristics of the E.V and E.V.A

When I started writing down the characteristics of E.Vs and E.V.As, I realised that there were a lot of similiarities. In fact there is a great deal of crossover between them and different types of characteristics will often reside in the same person. Which characteristics emerge depends on the energetic environment they are in and the individual dynamic between different individuals.

This makes sense when you think of the Law of Attraction, as popularised by Abraham Hicks, the simple concept of which is: "like attracts like". In other words we attract into our experience that which we are in vibrational harmony with. So if you have a tendency to be an E.V.A, you must realise that you are vibrating in such a manner to attract E.Vs; it is no coincidence. In my experience some characteristics of the E.V are:

Constant complaining and whining without seriously seeking a resolution to their "problems";
At a more subtle level, they exude an air of negativity and often vibrate with fear, anger and anxiety, which can be easily activated if they feel unsafe or threatened in any way;
Don't take responsibility for their own feelings and emotions and blame others for how they feel;
There is a sense of entitlement (esp from family members), "you owe me";
Often want others to be ultra sensitive and protective of their feelings;
Can be self indulgent attention seekers who will "suck all of the oxygen out of the room";
Have a tendency to withdraw as a coping mechanism - have limited coping skills in general;
Find it difficult to openly and honestly express/process a full range of their feelings and so end up repressing them, which leads to a reduction of their own energy which then causes them to seek energy from others;
Unconsciously reluctant to own their own power or take responsibility for it – may feel unsafe for them to do so;
They may also be intuitive empaths, who unwittingly take on others’ emotions and find it difficult to separate their emotions from others;
May need constant reassurance to make up for their lack of self confidence emotional neediness and dependency;
Cannot set strong boundaries or are afraid to do so;
Not always fully present and in their body, sometimes look and act “spacey”;
Poor self care – they may not even recognise the need for good self care;
Dependent upon others' approval and opinions;
Try to connect with people inappropriately and don’t see the signs that people are not responding or are reluctantly responding, therefore lack awareness of the effect that they are having on someone;
Invade your personal space. They get too close to you, you move away and then they get closer;
Often feel uncomfortable to be around and you can’t logically figure out why;
Can sometimes come across as self conscious and awkward;
May have suffered from several traumatic experiences in their childhood and these have been etched onto their energy systems with the accompanying buried emotions;
Little capacity for self reflection and insight, probably because of fear or resurrecting or dwelling on past traumatic experiences, fear of being overwhelmed by them.
May often be very popular - "the life and soul of the party" - but their need to be the centre of attention often masks a great deal of insecurity, which needs the attention (energy) and validation from others.

Characteristics of the E.V.A

And what of the characteristics of the E.V.A? Fairly similar, actually. All of the E.V list can equally be applied to those who attract Energy Vampires. But obviously there will be differences. E.V.As also tend to be intuitive empaths who empathise with other people’s feelings to such a degree that they feel their feelings – which can be exhausting and:

Have a tendency to want to “fix” other people’s emotional problems;
Are afraid to stand up for themselves because they’re afraid of offending others;
Often empower other people at the expense of their own well being;
Allow other people to run their lives;
Want to take care of other people;
Are affected by other people’s conflicts and dramas and are then sucked into being involved when it’s none of their business;
Fear making waves or confrontation – feels very threatening to their sensitive and empathic nature;
Have been brought up not to make waves;
Are chronic people pleasers, suffering from toxic niceness;
Often feel intimidated by the expression of strong emotions;
Relinquish and give away their own personal power, often unconsciously;
Sometimes doubt their own feelings (when they can work out which ones they are!). Their high sensitivity and empathic nature doesn’t find much validation in society generally.

Intuitive empaths love to connect deeply with other people. They think and feel and vibrate very, very deeply and often have difficulty finding people with whom they can have that real heartfelt (but not always romantic) connection with. However, they also have trouble setting boundaries and with a tendency to give their energy away often attract those who will abuse their good nature.

Everything happens on a vibrational level

As everything happens on a vibrational level, you can imagine what happens when someone who vibrates with the energy of an E.V goes into a party with a number of different people, including E.V.As? You’ve got it! There’s the E.V. consciously or subconsciously looking for energy to take and there’s the E.V.A with the tendency to giving their energy away. It’s a perfect match!

Why is it that some people end up have the same abusive relationship with different people? It’s because their vibration is constantly attracting the same type of person, who may look and sound different at the beginning, which lures them in. It then progresses to the unconscious energetic and vibrational pattern that has already been prepared.

So how do you stop being an Energy Vampire and how do you reduce your risk to Energy Vampirism? This will be answered in the next posting.

Watch this space.

Survival is Everything

2007-08-30T11:20:00.001Z

I've often wondered why it seemed to be that those who were consciously on a spiritual path (I believe that we all are, but some people are more explicit about it) often felt like the black sheep of their family.

They felt as though they never fitted in and that they were often castigated for their feelings. Normally the most sensitive in the family, or one of the most sensitive, they pick up the implicit, but predominant energetic messages and signatures in any household and often become the emotional containers for all of the emotions that other members of the family will not express or even realise that they have.

The archetypal difference between marriage and partnership

Listening to Caroline Myss's show on Hay House Radio shone a new light on it. One of her shows was about the difference between marriage and partnership. Marriage (and children) is primarily about survival. In fact, until fairly recently (last 150 years) this was very explicit. Marriage was to secure property, enhance economic prospects and security.

Partnership is about witnessing the growth of another individual, their flaws, their struggles and having them witnessing your own and growing together through all of this. This is very idealized.

What does this have to do with being black sheep in the family?

Well, lets use a personal example.

I've always had the belief that my family of origin have my best interests at heart. At times I've unconsciously energetically given my power away to them because I've believed that they knew best and wanted for me what I wanted for myself. I had confused the family model with the partnership model.

But now I realise that it is about survival, it shifts my whole perception. I see that everyone has their own agendas about survival (mostly unconscious to them too) and are operating out of that space and that in fact it has nothing to do with me. And that I, of course, have my own (often unconscious and conscious) survival needs operating too. Once I acknowledge and bring them to the surface (often via energy therapy) then they can be released and I can truly grow and develop as a person. This is next to impossible if you are emotionally or physically always at the survival level. You spend practically all of your time and energy trying to feel safe.

Limitations of the survival mode of operation

Unknowingly operating at the survival level puts real limitations on your personal and spiritual growth. Because when survival is your mode of operation, you become prone to people pleasing, seeking approval, taking on other people's energies and holding back on your own ambitions and desires where you see that they conflict with the tribal setting. At its worst, this internal conflict often manifests as illness.

Personal and spiritual growth involves breaking away from the tribal mindset where it doesn't foster your greater growth. This can often be very difficult, because we often feel as if our surivival is threatened if we are thrown out of the tribe. Allowing ourselves to grow and develop often feels very threatening to the tribe, who will often try to sabotage efforts to move away, physically and emotionally. Because the tribe's main concern is to keep the tribe together. To keep it surviving. And to keep it in its original organizing structure.

On Caroline Myss's online radio show "Sacred Contracts" (The Symbolic Stresses Underlying Lupus edition) she describes how a young woman was about to leave home to join the Peace Corps. On the day that she is due to leave, her mother develops a mystery terminal illness. So the daughter didn't go to the Peace Corps. It kept her at home. Any time the daughter wanted to pursue her own ambitions, the mother used illness (subconsciously?) as a means to keep her daughter within the tribe.

The frustration and rage of this built up in her immune system. Part of the frustration and rage was due to the guilt that she felt, but also the conflict she was experiencing. So the anger remains and she is unable to confront her mother about her pattern of manipulation. With nowhere for these feelings to go they manifest as an illness, as dis-ease. In this case, lupus.

My belief is that highly sensitive people are especially prone to developing chronic illnesses due to emotional dysfunction within a family. Where a person's qualities and skills (esp empathic ones) are not acknowledged and validated and they are forced to "go underground" as it were due to survival fears, the ground is set for future emotional and physical dysfunction.

When You Deny Your Gifts

2007-06-01T16:40:00.001Z

There are occasions when you read a line from a book and it resonates very very deeply. I've been reading Marsha Sinetar's book "Do What You Love And The Money Will Follow". On page 10, there's the line...........

"Any talent that we are born with eventually surfaces as a need"

When you look at or read the biographies of famous performers, they often say that they have a need to perform, a need to sing, to dance, to act, to play music, play sport and even if they weren't being paid they would still be doing it somewhere. I heard David Beckham say recently that he'd play football, regardless or not whether he was being paid; it was just something that he needed to do (I wonder if L.A Galaxy knows this, they could save themselves a lot of money!)

Human need for self expression
I believe that we all have a need to express ourselves in different ways. It's part of being human from cave art onwards. Some find it through creating businesses, others through raising a family, others through gardening, writing, painting, playing music, singing.

However, if we do not allow ourselves to express those gifts, then they have a habit of turning into self destructive behaviour. There is the saying attributed to Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas:

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.

If you do not bring forth what is within you,what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

Interestingly enough, I've always remembered the first line but only recently remembered the second, which is instructive. My interpretation of this saying is that we need to bring out are godgiven unique skills, gifts and talents with our preferred mode of expression. If we suppress that inclination, the energy that needs to flow out of us is then likely to result in self destructive behaviour; because we are denying ourselves and our own authenticity.

The symptoms of unconsciousness

The symptoms of unconsciousness and self denial include the following:

Feeling of disenchantment/ disappointment;
Feeling that nothing changes, no matter what you do;
Feeling numbed out inside;
Insomnia;
Frequent colds, coughs (0ften longstanding);
Other kinds of illnesses;
Depression;

All of the above frequently translates into "something missing" in your life. Those ill defined vague feelings which are hard to articulate, but often what they represent is a severing and disconnection from your essence and the truth of your being.

You need to reconnect with the deepest, most creative and energetic part of yourself by remembering what makes you feel alive, by giving yourself time in solitude to clear the cobwebs of limiting beliefs that make you less of what you are. By remembering that you must follow the path that is right for you and not let yourself be waylaid by family disapproval (or the fear of). Situations have a habit of resolving themselves energetically when you start being true to yourself.

A quote from Sanaya Roman really sums this up.

"Whenever you feel a heaviness, a resistance, or a reluctance to continue, it is a sign that you are not following your highest path. Your higher self speaks to you by making you feel joyful when you follow your higher path, and resistant and heavy when you don't. If you are forcing yourself to do things according to a list of "shoulds," you are not listening to the deeper part of your being. Your soul rarely says, "You must do this; you should do that." Your soul says, "Isn't this delightful? Doesn't this bring you great joy? Wouldn't you love to do more of it?"

Are You Ready To Receive?

2007-04-17T12:13:00.000Z

The URL of this website is: allowing abundance.

My belief is that abundance is all around us and woven within the fabric of the Universe. In fact, it is the Universe, but we often don't allow ourselves to receive it.

If we are often talking about what we want, but not receiving it, it is not because circumstances are against us (although it may seem as though they are), but that we have blockages (often unconscious) to receiving what we want.

Allowing ourselves to desire and receive can be quite a complicated business actually. On the EFT website, Rue Hass writes about wanting something for yourself and how the notion of "wanting" actually throws up a lot of fear for people, especially EFT practitioners who can't seem to get their business going. Amongst their fears of wanting were that it was frightening to want, they never seemed to get what they want, they were always disappointed and that was painful to bear, it wasn't safe to want and they couldn't be more successful than other family members.

So if the idea of wanting something is associated with painful memories, why would they allow themselves to want, to desire and have that desire be fulfilled?

This is often why, as a Coach, I asked people what they wanted and there was sometimes a deep sense of ambiguity and confusion about what they "should" want and what they actually wanted, leading to self defeating behaviours or a sense of paralysis.

Another reason for not allowing abundance is fear of positive energy. On the EFT website, Eric Robins writes about this as well and states that we all have unconscious limit as to how much positive energy we can handle from the world. If the energy exceeds what we feel comfortable with, then we will self sabotage to bring the energy level back into our comfort zone. He gives examples of having a much needed vacation and falling ill on the first day of your holiday. He also mentions that for some people:

"having physical health and vitality, financial success, relationship intimacy or a full social schedule all represent too much positive energy and this will often trigger an unconscious self sabotage"

Does this sound familiar to you?

It provides a very good reason why some people fail to step into their own power or do what they know will be beneficial for them, because they are afraid of overwhelm - it'll be too much for their system. This normally indicates an energetic blockage.

And Dr Robins also mentions that :"children who grew up in a dysfunctional environment or underwent major traumas actually have structural changes in their brains, that affect how well they can (or rather, cannot) handle stress. A person raised in a dysfunctional home tends to have a much lower threshold than a person raised in a better home"

I agree with him, up to a point. But I'd like to add that sensitive children are especially prone to having this happen to them if raised in an emotionally dysfunctional family. And that the dysfunction may not seem that obvious to other members of the family.

It's normally fairly easy to tell if we have an issue with receiving. Give someone a compliment or gift and see how they react. If someone responds to your gift with a: "Oh, this is too much" - it's fairly clear that this person has difficulty allowing themselves to receive and that it is perceived (unconsciously) as threatening to their threshold and their positive energy limit.

A few years ago, my then boss complimented me on a cardigan that I was wearing, to which I responded: "Oh, it's really old!". She took me to task for this, quite rightly, and said that it didn't matter and I should have accepted the compliment graciously, which was why she was my boss.

So, it seems that allowing abundance into our lives isn't about avoidance of stressful situations, which may be unconsciously be implicated in so called desirable situations, ie having a lot of money, but in increasing our internal capacity energetically to receive. Because energetic changes precede physical changes.

How do we make it safe to energetically receive what we want and simultaneously increase our internal ability to handle it easily, effortlessly and joyfully?

Looking after our physical selves

Yes, the diet, exercise and rest are all important and so much has been written about them. One thing I will add is that sleep is greatly underestimated and getting to sleep between 9.30 - 10.00pm is much more beneficial to your well being.

Allowing yourself downtime

I've written about the joys of alonetime in another post. We don't near enough downtime to hear ourselves think, feel and be and to realise what we truly want and allow solutions to emerge for us. Meditating or having a hobby which can be meditative is also refreshing and renewing to our spirit.

Use energy psychology.....

to clear out limiting beliefs, past traumatic experiences and their manifestation of energetic blockages within in your body.

Once you start creating more internal space within, you will start to attract more harmonious situations and opportunities without and allow yourself the abundance that you deserve.

American Idol's Internal Civil War

2007-03-31T14:50:00.000Z

I've been an avid viewer of American Idol for some time now and watch it very consciously from an energy perspective.

Everything is vibration and energy. And when our energy is clear and without obstruction, then whatever we want in life can come to us with ease and abundance. However, if there are obstructions in the forms of limiting beliefs, thoughts and feelings (which are strongly held in our energy system), then we can often repel what we say we most want, without knowing why.

Compromisied and conflicted energy

Abraham Hicks state that when our energy is compromised and contradictory, we are consciously putting our foot on the gas, putting out our desires, but unconsciously we are putting our foot on the brakes of fear and limitation and feelings of not being safe. It is an internal civil war, which will limit your felt and actual experience of abundance.

Well, where does American Idol come into this?

Looking at why some entertainers succeed and others doesn't, it seems to be me that the ones who want it the most vibrationally, with few if any energetic obstacles or limitations, are the ones who are the most prominent and as we know, they are not always the most talented.

The first person to leave the final 12 of American Idol was Brandon Rogers. Brandon had been a backing singer and wanted to step up to the front. Like so many in this show, his auditions seem to be better than his performances in the last 24. He certainly wasn't the weakest singer in the show, but he was voted out.

However, it was his reaction to being voted out which was most interesting to me. He just seemed so relieved to be out and quite happy. You could argue that he was putting a brave face on and that he was really disappointed, but I didn't sense that. I got the sense that he was pleased to go. He could always go back to being a backing singer, but at least he had given it a shot. I felt that his heart really wasn't in it for the long haul and I guess the audience sensed it too and let him go.

The contestants' compromised vibration

Next to go was Stephanie Edwards. Again a good singer - definitely not the worst. Yet again she "lost it" somewhere along the line. Simon Cowell said that she had "lost her edge" and he was very, very right about that. Prior to the eviction process, I instinctively got the feeling that she would be evicted that night and she certainly wasn't the favourite candidate to leave. Interestingly enough in the post eviction interview, she also said that she felt instinctively that she would go.

Then Chris Sligh left. He was definitely one of the better singers in the competition. However, show host, Ryan Seacrest asked him what he did in his downtime. He said that he slept. Because the show was 24-7 and he needed his energy to rest and recuperate. The show was fun, he said, but it took an awful lot of your energy. That's probably true. But it didn't show him in his most dynamic light. The audience agreed and sent him home.

Out of the three previous evictees, he seemed a little more disappointed, but his comments betrayed a kind of weariness about the whole process and perhaps vibrationally he wasn't in it to win it because it would exert too much energy from him. In fact in a recent interview, he said that he didn't really want to win it anyway and that he only wanted to make it into the top 10, so that he could benefit financially from the American Idol tour. Talk about focusing on what you want!

Vibrate What You Want

Brandon, Stephanie and Chris are all very capable singers, but energetically the audience has sensed something lacking from them. It's very interesting the way the energy is focused. Some singers have ok auditions and don't overly impress during the auditions, but gradually get stronger and stronger, while others seem to give their best shot at the auditions and are never the same since.

This same process can be seen individually, when people say that they want something, but their vibration and energy are actually saying something else. In fact, the Universe responds to our vibration and not our words. We are unconsciously communicating with our energy all of the time - not always in our favour either.

The Emotional Freedom Technique offers us the opportunity to name and consciously clear out our conflicting energy, which results in blocking our experience of abundance.

Holding and Creating Spaces Within and Without

2007-02-06T17:30:00.000Z

I used to go on weekend breaks with a friend of mine. We went to a hotel to relax, chat, catch up on stuff and be pampered. Being a great water drinker, I used to carry my bottles of water around and used to suggest to my friend that she do the same. (Water in hotels is ultra expensive). She responded very interestingly which was it reminded her of her mother telling her to eat her vegetables.

What I'd said was obviously a trigger of being told what to do. She could obviously hear a nagging parental voice in what I'd said. She knew that she ought to drink more water for her overall health and well being, but couldn't bring herself to do because it felt like giving in to her mother's commands.

I got the message and shut up about the whole subject. What right did I have to tell her what to drink or what not to drink?No wonder she was annoyed.

Several months later we went away for a short break again. I noted that she was carrying water with her.

What is this all about?

My friend may have changed because I nagged her about drinking water. But what I think actually happened is that I held a place open for her to change. In the months between the two weekends away, she obviously had time to reflect and realised that she was hurting herself by not doing something that would make her feel better in order to get back at her mother.

However, I also let go of my need to tell her what she should be doing. I released the energy around this and allowed her to be who she was. This gave her the space to change.

We spend inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to change and control other people. That energy could better be used in living a life we love. We can't force or tell people to change and hope that they will. Well they might, for a short while, but it won't be sustainable, because it's not coming from their deepest desires. People need space to change and that space is acceptance of who they are and where they are now.

Growth and change happens in that space between activities. Holding that space within allows transformation within manifested without.

It's All About The Energy (Again!)

2007-02-04T16:27:00.000Z

Following on from my previous post, what came to mind was an article I'd read in the Observer several months ago. A mother whose son suffered from ADHD was advised to be and act calm around him. At first she was reticient, her cultural background meant that she was passionate and high octane and what difference would it make if she changed.

Quite a lot as it happens.

She noticed that her son's behaviour calmed down as hers did. She was reluctant to admit it, but her behaviour was having an effect on her son and a detrimental one at that. In fact, losing your temper and shouting at a child with ADHD actually makes it worse for them.

But rather than focus on ADHD as such, what this illustrated to me is the pivotal importance of centering and maintaining your own energy and connection and seeing how this influences the energy of others around us.

We are all connected

Self help gurus and mystics often state that: "We are all connected". It is true. We may know this intellectually, but it isn't until we do the energy work that we actually feel the depth of that truth.

As I've been doing the energy work consistently and started clearing my energy on a whole bunch of painful issues, as my energetic channels have become clearer and clearer, I've noticed how this has impacted on the people around me and the way I approach and think about different situations.

Mahatma Gandhi once said: "Be the change you want to see". Wayne Dyer says: "When you change the way you look at something, what you look at will change".

It's very easy and very acceptable to blame others for our problems, but others are just a mirror of ourselves. You can guarantee that whatever we don't like in others is merely our movie projection as to what we don't like in ourselves. If we can clear ourselves of that energy from our field then that person's mannerisms or behaviour no longer have the ability to "press our buttons". In fact our feelings about them is just information and tells us what we need to do for ourselves.

It's All About The Energy

2007-02-03T15:54:00.000Z

Just had a really interesting experience.

I was about to write this blog in an Internet Cafe and it was going to be about Energy Dynamics. How our own energy impacts on everything around us.

I was in an Internet cafe which I'd been in before - it can get fairly crowded, but the service is quite good. When I went into the cafe I didn't quite feel right, but still paid to use it for a certain period of time.

At the first computer I was on, I felt the sun in my eyes and was pondering whether to move or not - then the sound on the computer didn't work. I was hoping to listen to an online teleclass, but no such luck.

So I move to another computer, it starts to work, I'm starting to listen to the teleclass and then it just goes off. Just like that. I ask for help again and the assistant says: "What are you doing to the computer?".

I knew that he was right.

My energy was not good in that place. Although I'd used it before, today (Saturday) was a particularly busy day and I felt the energy of so many people closed in together with minimal privacy. It just felt overwhelming and I really didn't feel comfortable. He turned the computer off and told me to wait a while before turning it on. By this stage I'd decided to call it quits, my energy really didn't want to be there.

Computers are a particularly effective and fascinating mirror of our energetic state (as our other people, although we don't often realise this). Whenever I was in a high energetic mood, the computer would work seamlessly, if I wasn't then it'd stutter into life before working sporadically and then petering out.

So harnessing, focussing and centering our energetic state makes perfect sense.

I don't do food shopping unless I'm feeling grounded because if I do I end up spending more money. There has been research into financial decisions made where those in a good state of mind made better decisions than those who were not. This is quite obvious when you think about it and as Abraham Hicks point out, it is best to take inspired action - action that is taken when you are feeling good - rather than not.

And I've found this to be true. If I undertake activities in a certain state ie ungrounded, you can bet that I'll need to redo them at a later time. It really is all about the energy and learning how to quickly centre and ground yourself really does pay dividends, both emotionally and financially.

The Protection and Illumination of Illness Pt II

2007-01-18T14:45:00.000Z

Whenever I read or hear a medical commentator state that it's strange that technologically medicine is so advanced and western societies are very affluent, but yet people are still getting ill, I have a wry smile.

Because most people do not acknowledge the role that illness plays in their lives and why illnesses are created to perform a function, you can bet that they will continue to use it. And we will continuously look for solutions and "cures" when the real answer lies within us.

In the EFT Specialty Series II DVD, a lawyer stated that court cases always made him nervous and on one occasion he actually got a strep infection.

Illness is a high price to pay for not stating your needs and protecting yourself from confrontation.

Coming from a family from which certain members have used illness to get their (hidden, unconscious and therefore unvoiced) needs met, my anecdotal experience suggests that the following two types of people are more prone to create illness:

The Emotionally Unconscious (who doesn't recognize their hidden fears and anxieties) and;
The Highly Sensitive Person (who has trouble articulating their needs openly)

The Emotionally Unconscious

I suspect that this is by far the biggest group. In the West, we are not encouraged to be in touch with our emotions or take emotional responsibility for what we feel. We are encouraged to project onto and blame others for our emotional state however. This lack of self reflection means that illness can be used by the emotionally unconscious to control what others do or to get attention from others.

The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Highly Sensitive People often have a very difficult time asserting their needs, in fact they've often been encouraged to downplay their own needs in order to service others. And so are prone to abuse and not feeling safe in the world.

For the HSP, confrontation feels very threatening to their world, where they need to please people in order to feel safe. Boundaries within their family (whether their own family or family of origin) have often been inappropriate and illness provides a way to assert boundaries. It also means that they avoid confrontation.

Highly Sensitive People also take on the anxiety of other family members who cannot process their emotions honestly for themselves, which often leads to illness.

The Positive Aspects of Illness

Illness can be used to illuminate where someone's needs aren't being met. If the repressed feelings are identified and brought to the surface where they can be released, then true healing begins. The soul always seeks to develop and grow and releasing all emotional conflicts allows it do so.

The Protection And Illumination Of Illness Pt I

2007-01-16T14:24:00.000Z

In the EFT Specialty Series II DVD, EFT practitioner Stephen Daniel, who specialises in using EFT amongst other energy therapies for chronic illness said that a client is less likely to heal from a chronic illness if they have a spouse and an intact family.

When I first heard him say that I rewound the DVD back to ensure that I'd heard the right thing. Then I read it in the notes. He says that the family dynamics often reward illness behaviours and all parties are getting something out of the illness. The illness is, at some level, perform a valuable role.

He also mentioned working with a woman who had MS and didn't seem to be getting better. He noticed that her husband was extraordinarily attentive to her and mentioned how impressed he was by that. She replied that he wasn't always this way and it was only after being diagnosed with MS that he'd become so caring.

Holding onto illness

So, is it possible that she is holding onto the illness to ensure her husband's consistent love, caring and attention? Stephen Daniel said that once he said that she had to recognize that she may well have to give up her reliance on the illness to ensure her husband's attention, then she was healed within six months.

Those working in personal development often state that we create our illnesses. This doesn't often go down very well with people who see it as an unjustifiably hard and cruel thing to say. But it is my belief that most illnesses are created by unresolved emotional conflicts. Once this conflicts are brought out in the open and released, the illness has done its job and is now unemployed.

Illness as Protection and Illumination

So illness offers both a protection from looking at the unresolved internal conflicts and it also provides illumination for what is really ailing someone. It depends on how you want to look at it.

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with having an underactive thyroid. The doctor described it as my cells attacking one another. It was an internal civil war. No wonder I felt ill! I didn't realise it at the time but emotionally I was very conflicted and unhappy about where I was in life, but didn't really know where I wanted to be either. I felt trapped and powerless. It took a really stressful time at work for me to crash out and give my body the rest it deserved by leaving London and then going on a round the world trip - something I'd always wanted to do.

This same problem came up again when I was having a stressful time at work at another job. And this time I used diet to counteract the effects (I wasn't on medication for very long - only a few months), which helped.

But looking back now I realise that my body was giving me signs about the work I was doing and that I wasn't honoring myself or my purpose in life. I was feeling angry and resentful (great emotions for being ill by the way) but wasn't really expressing it.

What kind of person has this illness?

The Chinese have a saying, not: "What illness does this person have?", but: "What kind of person has this illness?". Unexpressed and unreleased anger and resentment will find a way out somewhere and the body is the most obvious vehicle, because when we have pain in our body we will treat it. Unfortunately, we tend to think that it is solved externally, when the real answer lies in addressing the unconscious (and sometimes) conscious conflicts that we are living with.

Stephen Daniel says that if the client is living with a very conscious conflict (I want to leave this relationship, but am frightened that I won't be able to financially survive) then it is likely to slow down the healing, if not impede it altogether. The unresolved conflicts have to be addressed first.

In an article titled: "How Emotional Conflicts Block The Flow of Energy" by Dr Reimar Banis says that most patients want to heal, but are unable to locate the emotional conflicts because they are hidden at a level within their energy field and subconscious that they are not aware of. In any case most of us are not encouraged to be emotionally literate and aware.

And the great news is that with persistent use of EFT, you can do just that. I am no longer afraid to look at my more "negative" emotions, because they are trying to tell me something and I can release them using EFT. It is a much healthier alternative than suppressing or judging them and wearing down my immune system. It means taking responsibility for my emotional and mental health and it's a liberation to be able to do so.

Energy Vampires: Cutting the Ties That Bind

2006-12-30T13:26:00.000Z

My last post about family ties reminded me that I always intended to a write a post about energy vampires (interesting association!). It also reminds me that we are often drained by out of date relationships, but keep them because of the shoulds and ought tos that we have in our belief and energy system.

Family ties are blood ties and as such provide fertile ground for energy vampires, although energy vampires are often not family members. But they often are people who trigger off energetic memories of family members.

I am reminded of a recent reiki session where the healer mentioned that three members of her family were visiting her and she'd given them reiki sessions. She felt very drained after giving three of them healing sessions, much more than if she'd done a full day's healing in which she'd see on average 10 - 12 clients.

I believe that this is because there are still very strong energetic ties in place with family members and it felt as though her family were taking much more energy from her because of those ties, than another customer would. There may also be an issue of payment and energy exchange. I didn't ask if she charged them, I suspect that she didn't because if she had she may not have felt that loss so much, but that is another issue.

I have been an energy vampire and been on the receipt of vampirism. I feel that being either is more likely to happen to a highly sensitive person (HSP), because HSPs take more time to process energy and therefore they process it more deeply. If a sensitive person is not aligned with their purpose in life and do not operate exemplary self care with some regular energy work, they are blocking their own energy and power. They are afraid to step into their own power and as such will start seeking energy and power from other people.

Most of this takes place on a subconscious level, but how do you know if you've been in the presence of an energy vampire? You feel tired, drained or just more negative after being in their company or even speaking on the phone to them. You start getting signs from your body (stomach starts getting butterflies for eg) around them.

I had specific tell tale signs that someone I was associating with was an energy vampire. My stomach usually lurched if I heard them enter a room; it was like a kick in the stomach. Another sign was that if I was going to talk to someone I had to make sure that I was in fantastic energetic condition so that I could talk to them. If this person was also a friend, it was time to evaluate the friendship. Another giveaway was that I'd be talking to someone (normally listening to their problems) and they would say that they felt so much better after talking to me. If I didn't feel better, then I knew that they were an energy vampire.

The energy vampire within

But, like atttracts like, and I now realise that I attract energy vampires when my own energy is low, I've been giving too much of my energy away and my own self care has been lacking. We do attract what we haven't fully resolved in and for ourselves.

In addition, HSPs are often naturally giving and loving people and we are often encouraged to give away too much of ourselves to help other people, even when it is detrimental to our own energy. This tendency shows up a lot in the healing professions. And healers have to be especially aware of creating strong energetic boundaries to deter energy vampires.

So here are ways to deal with energy vampirism:

1. Operate exemplary self care

On a physical level this means sleeping well, eating well, taking regular exercise, undertaking some form of regular meditative and/or energy work. Respecting your energy and sensitivities pays great dividends in the long run, allowing you to feel more alive, grounded and focused.

2. Set boundaries

Be clear about what you will and won't tolerate in your life. It can be frightening to start setting effective boundaries, but it will definitely help you with deterring energy vampires. Using energy work to clear out any fears over upsetting people or not feeling safe enought to set boundaries.

3. Energy vampires are your mirror

Yes, like does attract like on a vibrational level and I realise that if I am attracting energy vampires, it's because on another level I'm being one myself and not looking after myself properly. So in that sense it's a great guide to resolving issues within oneself, even if it does feel painful at times! That pain is often resistance asserting itself via your ego.

4. Avoid people who are energy vampires

Easier said than done, especially if they are members of your family! But I liken this to stopping smoking. In the early stages of stopping smoking, you avoid those old haunts where you would normally smoke, because it'll trigger you into starting again. It is the same here, whilst you are building strong energetic boundaries and developing an exemplary self care schedule, it is best to avoid people, where possible, who subconsciously steal your energy. You'll find that as you do, they'll either change or move out of your life.

There are other protective techniques, such as visualising white light around you and so on and if that works for you then that is great. But generally I find that setting strong boundaries and looking after yourself using energy work is a lot easier, because after a while, the energy vampires will sense your energetic strength and will avoid you.

Growth, Stability or Stagnation: The Dilemma of Family Ties

2006-12-30T12:16:00.000Z

The festive season is nearly over and I feel relieved about that. I guess that I'm not alone in that!

So many articles, features in the media focus on family disharmony during the Christmas period and it is true that relationship counselling organization receive a big increase in enquiries about their services in the New Year.

I read an article by Bel Mooney in the Times about family ties and she talks about why Christmas can be so stressful for some of us. Pivotal to this is our role within the family. She says that we get locked into roles within our families of origin and revert back to these in family get togethers. The family members find it difficult to see and understand each other beyond these roles.

These roles are limited and have been outgrown, but the residue hasn't fully been released, so it is triggered and projected again within the family arena.

She doesn't mention this in the article, but it sparked off the idea of homeostasis. It is:

"The concept of homeostasis means that the family system seeks to maintain its customary organization and functioning over time. It tends to resist change"

What this means is that in order to maintain stability everyone must stick to their role within the family's original organizing principle. When someone wants to change their role, it threatens the family's stability and often members of the family will turn against the "rebelling" member and try to force them to change back.

Elaine La Joie, spiritual healer and intuitive writes about being an intuitive person within the family often means a renegotiation of family roles. Family occasions often trigger the emergence of unhealed traumas and it is likely that the intuitive sensitive person will take on the family's issues and try to solve them, often to their own energetic detriment.

In Bel Mooney's article, she mentions a teenage girl trying to resolve family conflicts and that:

"the sensitive daughter has tried to manage the situation in a way which has placed a burden on her when she ought to be concentrating on university"

The family, above all else, wants stability even when it doesn't look very stable and doesn't seem to be working in the best interests of all the members. Family get togethers with adult children can seem fraught because the adult children revert back into their childhood identity and depending on their original family role can feel powerless and immature.

But when does stability become stagnation?

Things are changing every day in the Universe, to resist that change is to resist growing and developing. Especially those within the healing professions, separating from the family of origin energetically, as well as physically, and removing damaging beliefs incurred during childhood is essential to becoming an effective practitioner.

Family ties are energetic ties and energy work often provides a way to loosen those ties when they become overwhelming, suffocating or just out of date, blocking growth and potential. Once someone takes responsibility for changing their vibration and energetic state, then it affects the family connection and provides a much needed release and eventually transforms and renews their existing relationships and provides a template for developing healthier new ones.

The Power of Not Knowing

2006-12-21T13:45:00.000Z

I was watching an episode of 30 something - that seminal drama from the mid 80s - early 90s about the lives and loves of 30 somethings from Philadelphia. It actually coined a new phrase ie 30 something, which is still being used today.

In the last episode, the main character, Michael Stedman has left his job at the advertising agency, DAA and swears never to work in advertising again and is spending time with his wife, Hope and their two children.

Until he gets the call................................

He gets a call from an ad agency in Los Angeles, who want him to come and work for them. He is tempted, very tempted and tells Hope that he isn't really interested in the job, but would welcome the time to clear his mind.

He goes to LA - meets the ad agency, doesn't commit to anything, but meets up with his good friend and former business partner Elliott Weston. Elliott resigned from the ad agency they both worked for and is pursuing his dream directing commercials. Michael and Elliott had previously set up their own ad agency, which went out of business.

Reneging on his promise

Meeting up again with his old buddy has given Michael ideas. So whilst he doesn't want the ad agency job, he decides that he wants to move to LA to set up a commercials company with Elliott. Problem is when he mentions it to Hope, it feels like a fait accompli and she is furious and refuses to go to California.

She sees Michael as reneging on his promise not to work in advertising or anything advertising related - she perceives it as a backwards move. She then reapplies for a job in Washington which she had turned down previously and implies that she will leave him/file for divorce if he goes ahead.

Meeting his nemesis

In order to get collateral for his new company, Michael goes back to DAA agency with Elliott to secure a guarantee from them that they will work with the new commercials company. In doing so, Michael comes face to face with Miles Trentell, his nemesis. Michael resigned from DAA because of Miles' dubious sense of business ethics, he tried to ignore it until he felt that he was being compromised beyond his self respect.

As Miles, Elliott and Michael toast the success of this new company, Michael asks if anything will be different this time.

We then see Michael and Hope talking in the final scene. Michael has decided not to go ahead with the commercials company. In fact he wasn't ready to work at all at the moment. He was happy to stay in Philadelphia or move to Washington if she wanted the job.

I found this final episode a perfect way to end the series, but it also spoke of something bigger to me; the power of not knowing.

The Discomfort of Transition

Sometimes when we're in a transitional state (as Michael so clearly was), it can feel very uncomfortable to be there. We are so used to distracting ourselves away from reflection. Michael's intention was to ride through the transition, but when the call came (as it invariably does, it is ultimately a test of your resolve), it is tempting to go back to what was known - the security blanket, even if it was hated at the time.

And Michael does just that. But the threat of losing his family brought him to his senses and he withdrew from going back into the abyss with a known enemy (Miles Trentell) and associate (Elliott Weston).

The Power of Not Knowing

I remember something similar, having left a job at a charity, which took its toll on me and rather than giving myself some breathing space, I decided to go for another job, more local to me, cut down on commuting time. I had to prepare a presentation for the job interview and left some materials at a print shop to be collated.

However, I misread what time they closed and got back too late to retrieve my presentation. This was on Friday. The interview was on Monday. I then realised (or was forced to), that I didn't want the job in the first place; it was merely a knee jerk reaction to what Ithought I should be doing. I was too scared to give myself the space to think about what I wanted. Although I did eventually.

Relaxing Into That Space

Relaxing into the space of "do nothing" can be extraordinarily powerful, if you can sit still, release and be present long to experience this power. If you can relax into this space of not knowing - something, a sense of direction will reveal itself. However, the speed at which it arrives is directly proportionate to how much you can fully relax into it. And it is also indicative of whether you resist or allow abundance into your life.

The Energy Psychology of Debt and Other Addictions

2006-12-18T12:06:00.001Z

Yesterday I watched back to back episodes of a programme called Spendaholics.

It is the story of individuals who get into debt through their out of control spending and lifestyle and they are advised how to control and curb their spending.

Unresolved emotional issues

What makes Spendaholics different from most debt programmes is that it believes that the root of the spending lies in unresolved emotional issues and until these are resolved, the debt is likely to continue to grow. And what is even more fascinating about the programme is the unearthing of the emotional issues that fuels the spending.

On many of the EFT DVDs, Gary Craig frequently references addictions of all kinds: chocolates, coffee, food, shopping, nicotine, surfing the Internet through to the "harder" addictions like Class A drugs and alchohol. He provides a fascinating anecdote when he and his partner went into a clinic to demonstrate EFT. The people involved were recovering alchoholics. What was interesting about this was although they no longer drank alchohol, they were drinking black coffee and smoking cigarettes consistently.

Your drug of choice is really a tranquilizer

And this provided the basis for Gary's belief that our drug of choice acts as tranquilizers for underlying anxiety. So even if one addiction is "kicked", others surface to take its place. And it doesn't matter what the drug of choice is, if the underlying anxiety is not addressed, then it just gets transformed to another vehicle.

People talk about having an addictive personality, but it may be more accurate to call it an anxious personality.

What also surfaced in the Spendaholics programme was that the free spending individuals were spending money in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Spending over the hole of emptiness and sadness inside of themselves. Instead of acknowledging and releasing the sadness and keeping their money in their wallet.

Another theme in the programmes that I saw was of "creativity denied". One woman was jealous of her older sister's glamorous lifestyle, while she was a relatively impoverished student. So she tried to spend her way to mimic what she thought her sister had.

She was a talented writer and had written several stories, including some for children, but because her family had a very strong practical work ethic, she had dismissed her skills, talents and qualities and didn't think that she could make money from writing. Once she allowed herself to "own" this part of her self, then she had also released the emotional drivers that were fuelling her spending.

Another woman had been offered a place at a musical college when she was younger, but her mother had forbidden her to take the place because she didn't think that it was appropriate for her to concentrate or have a musical career. Once the grief and sadness over this had been uncovered and released, she was free to start having singing lessons again and recover her voice which grieved through her spending.

It's interesting that I pick out these two examples because I believe that if we don't nurture the creativity within ourselves and release the pain and hurt through past transgressions, it can go astray with devastating effects.

In fact in Gary Craig's view, low income, obesity, all forms of addictions are merely symptoms of underlying unresolved emotional issues. And unless the emotional and energetic issues are addressed then no matter how much anyone diets, exercises, uses the often ineffective tactic of "willpower" to make changes, then they are doomed to failure (now you know why there is yo yo dieting)

However, EFT offers a way to reduce the craving and the related anxiety and also reveal the emotional issues behind the addictions, by placing the energy system in alignment.

Following The Path of Least Resistance....

2006-12-13T14:52:00.000Z

........really gets a bad press. It's often interpreted as being lazy and taking the easy way out (and what is so bad about that?). However, after years of taking the path of most resistance and feeling the pain of that, I've decided that I'd prefer another way.

What I actually call this is working with yourself, rather than against yourself. By which I mean work to your strengths, rather than weaknesses. Now this may sound like common sense, but as you know, common sense isn't really all that common.

Working with your strengths

I remember the yearly annual appraisal. Boy that was fun with a capital F! Managers and the managed looked forward to the appraisal with the same enthusiasm of taking out wisdom teeth without anaesthetic. I remember that all too well. I felt frustrated with the appraisal and the thought that I wasn't really bringing my strengths to the table in this position. My then boss, an astute man, said that he felt that I wasn't really working to my strengths, but my weaknesses.

However, when you think of the annual job appraisal, it tends to be approached with the belief that weaknesses must be identified and brought up to scratch.

But what happens to our strengths?

My experience was that whenever I used my strengths to full capacity, the "weaknesses" tended to catch up. Whenever I did the opposite, my strengths atrophied.

Yet that is how we operate in many parts of our lives.

Culturally we do tend to take in the beliefs: "no pain, no gain" "if it ain't hurting, it ain't working" "love hurts". Yes, these are tenets for having a happy life! And underlying all of these is the thought that if things come too easily, then they're not worth having. We must work hard and struggle to feel that we've deserved it.

How many poor souls are overstretching themselves adhering to these unhelpful beliefs!

Life coaches often don't help

Life coaches, self help gurus play a role in perpetuating this as well. We are told that we must strive for our goals and take action and plan where we want to be in 5, 10, 15 years time. No matter if we're worn out and exhausted by the effort of doing so.

Talane Miedaner believes that we should ditch the goals, the "to do" lists and all of those worthy and disempowering "shoulds" and "musts". As relentlessly pursuing goals set yourself up for frustration, stress and disappointment. And that to be successful means being energised, making yourself attractive and a success magnet.

She also says that we can go after goals or attract them.

I agree with her. But there's one thing that she's missed out.

I've read and experienced all sides of the spectrum. I've been the goal setter supreme and felt the pain and pleasure of being relentless in pursuing them. I've also gone the other way and not set any goals at all and that has felt lackdaisical, aimless and demotivated. It could be that I was setting the wrong goals or I wasn't clear why I was setting these goals.

Introvert or Extrovert

Ultimately, it all depends on your personality, temperament and best use of your energy.

(i) There are some people who are in their element going after what they want in a BIG way. It suits the way that they operate and they can become very successful using this mode of operation because IT WORKS FOR THEM. Their mode of operation tends to be the default setting in the West.

(ii) Because there are others who are better off harnessing their energy, visualising clearly about what they want, imagining how good it'll feel, making sure that their self care is of the highest order in order to attract the opportunities, resources, situations and events that they desire.

I sense that there is an extrovert/introvert split and that the extroverts are more likely to go for (i) and the introverts (ii). Because extroverts and introverts thrive on using their energy differently. Extroverts are more outer directed, orientated to the world around them, seeking out people making connections; they are energised from without.

Introverts are inner directed and are more guided by their inner world of ideas are oriented towards the inner world of ideas, imagery, and reflection. Introverts get their energy from within rather than from the outside world. An introvert values quiet time alone for thinking while an extrovert wants time with others for action. They look to the inner world for energy and meaning and need plenty of quiet time and space alone.

There is no "right" or "wrong" - it's just a difference in temperament. But because of the bias towards extroversion, it is the introverts who often find themselves drained by going after their goals in a traditional manner; they are in fact, working against themselves and can set themselves up for a whole host of disadvantages, not least of which is the effect going against their temperament has on their energy levels, which can result in stress related illnesses.

If you're reading this, you're more likely to be an introvert. And because I'm writing it, I am an introvert.

So working with yourself means using your tendencies, strengths to your advantage. It also means knowing yourself. For years I chided myself on not being a team player. I didn't like working with or in teams, I always worked best with minimal supervision and meetings. But because so much of what you see and hear emphasises being a team player, I tried to "force" myself to become one. I had some success, at least on the surface of it, but I felt drained, resentful and exhausted trying to be something I was not.

Working with yourself also means being kind to yourself and taking care of yourself mind, body, energy and spirit. Increasing your energy supply is probably the best way to start working with your strengths and following the path of least resistance. It means that you have more energy for self awareness, acceptance and knowledge. It means being clear about who you really are. Know thyself.

If, for instance, you are seeking to change jobs, careers, be clear under what conditions you will thrive. Write it down, imagine it and use EFT to clear out any energetic blocks you have to create the job, life that you truly desire.

Stepping into your power

2006-11-22T10:20:00.000Z

I came across a fascinating article today by Steve Pavlina titled: The Lightworker Syndrome. In it he explains how lightworkers (by which read healers, coaches, consultants, psychics, intuitives, artistic and creative people) feel that they can't make money doing what they love and so feel that they have to make money doing stuff that they don't like in order to pay the bills, keep a roof over their heads. Ultimately they begin to feel so dissatisfied that they yearn to go back to the non physical.

Well, this situation is very familiar to me and many lightworkers, a lot of whom struggle to make a good living from their chosen profession/vocation.

Steve Pavlina suggests that the reason that they have such difficulty is because they are frightened of stepping into their own power because it means more clients, more responsibility, more visibility and success starts to feel overwhelming. What Steve doesn't fully address is WHY ultimately many lightworkers are frightened to step into their own power.

Ultimately, this comes down to that old chestnut; feeling safe. It doesn't feel safe to step into and own their power and ultimately, their success. I believe that many lightworkers have an ancient fear of speaking their truth, being authentic and owning their power because they've been criticised and punished for it in the past. Cultural beliefs, events that happened in childhood have led them to believe that it is dangerous for them to be and express their power.

And looking over things with a broader historical perspective, people perceived as sensitives, intuitives and healers HAVE often been persecuted. So it makes sense that they should be reluctant to embrace their inner light and power. Until these beliefs, held within their energy field are cleared out, then they will have a hard time embracing their power.

Interestingly enough, those highly sensitive people (not always lightworkers, but often so) who do not embrace and own their power are, by default, blocking it. And this comes out in different ways which includes:

envy and jealousy over others who seemed to have more than they do; (especially those in the same field);
deep sense of anger and injustice;
depression (which is de-pressed power)

Rebecca Marina, EFT Specialist, held a teleclass titled: Charge What You're Worth. It was aimed at lightworkers who undercharge for their services, thinking that it wasn't spiritual to charge too much money. One caller was just starting out as a hypnotherapist and her prices were slightly higher than her colleagues. They started to criticise her and said that potential clients in their area wouldn't pay her prices. Rebecca Marina's response to the caller was to keep away from those colleagues.

And she was right.

What was really going on was that they couldn't bear to see someone raise their prices because it was symbolically stating to them that they were selling themselves short. It reminds me of crabs in a barrel, the minute one crab starts to climb out of the barrel, the others try to pull it back. Spiritual or not, the minute it is perceived that your survival is threatened, spirituality seems to go out of the window and fear, desperation and negativity can come in.

Carol Look, EFT Therapist, uses incisive questions to determine why people don't feel safe enough to embrace their power. Some questions are:

What is the downside of being successful?(being overwhelmed, less time, more stress, more responsibility, no support?)
Who will be annoyed/peeved/angry at your success? (perceiving peer group disapproval is a great dampener on dreams and aspirations)
Who will have higher expectations of you? (Can success be sustained?)

EFT is a great way to start working on the answers to those questions energetically and removing the energetic blocks that prevent lightworkers stepping into their own power. Reiki and other energy therapies are very efficient at bringing those beliefs and emotions to the surface where they can be released.

People who have (subconsciously) blocked their own power, need to get their power and energy from others, hence energy vampires, but that's another story.................................

Your Greater Intelligence - listening to your body

2006-11-05T15:13:00.000Z

One of the downsides of western society is its complete dependence on so called "rationality" and the mind and the downplaying, if not derision, of emotions and the body.

Many answers to issues that we face are solved by listening to our body. The body has a greater intelligence than our mind. It has an ancient wisdom that we ignore at our peril. It tries to tell us where we are going wrong and where we are not being true to ourselves and when we are.

This morning, I spoke up and said something to a family member that needed to be said. He didn't like it (neither did another family member) and responded with the expected denials, resistance, deliberate misinterpretation of what I was saying; it was a knee jerk response based on feeling that his fear that his sense of survival and safety was being threatened. (See my previous post: How Safe Are You?)

Needed to clear the air

But it was something I needed to say to clear the air; it was well overdue. I've been avoiding saying it for ages, going round in circles because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but in the end my body couldn't take it any more.

I'd been getting the warning signs from my body for some time; I'd been feeling less alive, less dynamic, less focused than normal. I began to feel really heavy in my body. I started gaining weight which no amount of diet or exercise could shift. I began to feel that there was some energy vampirism going on. But what was happening was that I was stuffing down my true feelings in and all of this energy was taking the form of weight gain. I only find this out when I started asking myself questions.

In the EFT Specialty Series II, Stephen Daniel, who specialises in using EFT, amongst other energy therapies, for chronic illness (cancer, CFS for eg) said that:

"When you can't say no or set boundaries, your body will do it for you"

And that is exactly what was happening to me. Because I wasn't opening my mouth (and in fact it didn't feel safe for me to do so, which has a history all of its own) my body packed on the pounds as a form of protection. And this method of energetic protection is actually quite common among highly sensitive people.

Often highly sensitive people, being more emotionally attuned, sense the real truth about a situation. They often take on the emotional processing of emotions which other people cannot deal with within themselves, being emotionally disassociative.

Now I'm the only (and youngest) female sibling with three elder brothers, so you can imagine that I was processing all the stuff that couldn't be talked about, because it either wasn't consciously recognized or if it was, was too threatening to be spoken about honestly and openly without fear, hesitation or judgement.

However, this tendency can often lead a highly sensitive person to pay a very high price in the form of a variety of illnesses (CFS, Depression for eg) as the body seeks to find expression for those blocked and repressed emotions. There is a certain deadness around, a lack of power and focus.

What does this have to do with allowing abundance?

Simple.

When you are not in the flow, when there are energy blocks, deadening your sense of power and aliveness. Fear, resentment, anxiety; all of these block your abundance. Abundance in its myriad forms cannot come to you; there are too many obstacles. Once you start releasing those blocks at an energetic level, you clear the way for all of the good stuff in life to come flowing in. Money is energy and if you are blocked energetically - how can it come to you?

If some of those issues are family of origin issues (and they are all family of origin issues!), it may feel unsafe to deal with them.

But one of the many genius aspects of EFT is the ability to neutralize the more painful feelings, so that you can begin to create a sense of safety for yourself.

How Safe Do You Feel?

2006-10-21T14:50:00.001Z

One of the most frustrating, yet very common, situations within coaching or any kind of personal development work is when people say that they want to change or that they want a situation to change, but they are reluctant change their energy/vibration or thought patterns/actions to facilitate that change.

They can listen to someone talk about how resisting the way things are makes it harder to change not easier and that you can't control other people or wish that they were different; it's more productive (not to say easier!) to accept them the way they are. That we create our experience of reality and so on.

They can acknowledge all of this on an intellectual level, yet when the opportunity appears for them to put this into practice, they revert back to old patterns or worse, don't even recognize the opportunity. They continue complaining about what someone did to them, they continue to act as though they are victims and that there is nothing that they can do about anything.

Why should this be?

There are a number of reasons, but ultimately I think that it all goes down to one core issue: feeling safe.

If, at a very basic level, making changes (even if desired) stirs up often unconscious feelings of feeling unsafe, then the desire to feel safe will override the desire to make the change. People may be scared to make changes because they believe that:

It'll damage their relationships/friendships beyond repair;
Expectations will be higher and they'll be expected to continue to deliver;
By letting go of a habit that is no longer serving them, they'll lose the reason they bond with their peer group (ie smoking)

These are just a few reasons, but there are numerous others. However, until the issue of feeling safe is dealt with, then the desired changes are unlikely to take place and even if they do, there is a hollow feeling about them.

We all have feelings of unsafety to some degree, but the key issue is how much it is holding us back from living the kind of life and feeling the way that we want.

EFT offers a very effective and often gentle way to address the safety issue. So, if you've been working on a particular area of your life and are not making much progress, investigate whether feeling unsafe is at the root of it. Ask yourself:

"What is the disadvantage(s) to me of making this change" (and if you're not making progress, then there is always a hidden fear present)

"How safe do I feel about this?"

Note the disadvantages and more importantly how you honestly feel about them. And systematically start tapping on the disadvantages and the feelings behind them.

Until next time.....................

My two least favourite words are.....(part 2)

2006-08-10T13:02:00.000Z

.....willpower and discipline (but you already knew that).

A couple of years ago, I finally stopped smoking. I'd been smoking for a number of years and done the willpower thing (didn't work), I tried the chewing gum and patches (didn't work), I had 1 - 1 sessions with a smoking cessation counselor (didn't work), I had hypnosis with a very creepy hypnotist (didn't work and cost me a lot of money to boot!).

When I stopped smoking, it was very simple; I just released the need to smoke.

Being energetically ready

And I was ready, energetically ready to stop and using willpower and all of the other stuff was a smokescreen (pun intended) for me not being ready and not acknowledging the downside of stopping (oh yes, there are some!).

I didn't stop on my own, though. I had support. In the UK there are free stop smoking groups run by trained counselors, which I intended. But ultimately, I released the craving and urge to smoke. I wish I could say that I did it by using EFT, knowing what I know now, I would use it, but I used the Release Technique.

I had fairly mild cold turkey in terms of craving - in fact I was surprised by how relatively mild they were. But there was emotional upheaval. Any drug, any addiction is often a mask, camouflage for suppression of emotion and I let rip with all of these suppressed emotions: from anger to elation to joy and everything in between. I really did appreciate the support of the counselors then.

Letting go of my addiction

But my point is that in the end it wasn't willpower that stopped me, but rather just letting go of the need to smoke. This sounds quite easy and it was. But more importantly, it felt safe to stop smoking. Whatever my smoking was designed to help me with, I realised that I no longer needed it anymore; I'd outgrown it.

I use the smoking example re: willpower, because everytime I hear someone talk about smoking or any other addiction, willpower is usually mentioned and everytime I end up screaming at the TV or radio or shaking my head vigorously at reading the newspaper.

Willpower is just a stick to beat people with for not "succeeding" and it's lazy thinking. Using willpower is actually helping you turn more towards the behaviour/actions that you want to cease. Just like the English national football team, you run into an invisible energetic wall of your own resistance. You are working against yourself.

Using willpower is very draining and is unsustainable in the long run, which is why people very easily relapse into previous behaviours ie falling off the wagon.

Ask yourself if anything that you've achieved and that you're proud of had willpower as component?

My two least favourite words are......(part 1)

2006-08-08T16:40:00.000Z

...........those which we place a high value on. How many times have I heard someone justify their success, wealth and standing in the world by saying: "I've worked really hard to achieve this, trouble with some people is that they don't have the discipline to achieve what they want".

And comments like these are often used to wield a big stick with which to beat those seemingly less "successful" as "lazy" and "unmotivated" (ever ask why they're unmotivated and what would help to motivate and more importantly inspire them?)

No such thing as laziness

I personally don't believe that there is such a thing called laziness. Only aspects of our lives that we are not inspired by because they don't resonate with us. It was probably somebody else's idea of how to live. And who wouldn't be lazy and uncommitted following someone else's diktat?

It is the summer holiday and parents all over the UK (and elsewhere) are struggling with how to amuse and entertain their children over this period.

A lady at the gym I go to says that during the holidays her daughter bounces out of bed. But during the school year its; "can I just have five more minutes Mum?". I hardly think that this is unusual somehow!

What's the difference? She is motivated to get up because it's something that she wants to do, rather than something she has to do.

Incidentally, what the "traditionally" successful people never mention is that they love what they do. It would have been pretty well impossible to succeed in the way they have, without doing so. Anyone can work hard and people do but working hard without being fully aligned with what you want to achieve is a complete waste of energy. Unfortunately, many people believe that working hard on its own will generate the kind of success and fulfilment that they desire.

No it doesn't.

Some of the hardest working people in any society are often the poorest.

It's about learning how to use and harness the energy of the Universe aligning it with your desires and interests, to allow abundance into your life.

So what are my two least favourite words?

Willpower and discipline.

To be continued..........................

Top 10 tips for highly sensitive people

2006-08-03T14:37:00.000Z

As a highly sensitive person (HSP) or intuitive empath, I have been through many emotional rollercoasters not knowing why my energy levels sometimes soared or were completely depleted. Unfortunately, it wasn't until fairly recently that I discovered that I was an HSP; before I just thought that I was weird. No one else around me could explain to me what was going on, especially not doctors when I presented with descriptions of fatigue that they couldn't verify.

I'll write a future posting on listening to your body. This is vitally important, especially for HSPs and often difficult in societies where people are dead from the neck down and do not realise their body's greater intelligence.

For the meantime, here's an article I wrote re: self care for highly sensitive people. A reminder to myself as much as anything else.

Top 10 tips for highly sensitive people

Are you the kind of person who is easily overwhelmed by bright lights and strong smells, often needing to withdraw to a quiet place or darkened room to have privacy and relief from stimulation? Do you also get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short period of time and changes in your life have a disproportionate effect?

If so, then you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Elaine Aron in her book of the same name. According to Dr Aron the HSP has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in their environment and is more easily overwhelmed in a highly stimulating environment. It is thought that 15-20% of the population have this trait.

This trait involves having very high levels of awareness, intuition, empathy and perceptiveness. Laboratory tests have shown that HSPs absorb and process up to 10 times the information from a particular situation than a non - sensitive person.

This means that they have to be on their guard against "overload" and "burn out" - especially in the work that they pursue and/or their leisure time (HSPs less likely to enjoy a noisy nightclub!) The area of work is especially important.

Because HSPs are often highly creative with a vivid imagination and interest in spiritual or philopsophical matters they are often writers, painters, musicians, coaches or alternative therapists. They often feel the need to be of service to others. However, HSPs much beware of giving too much of themselves within their chosen profession and find a way of working with their gifts and time to process information.

HSPs are the "Royal Advisors to the Warrior Kings". They are often the calm, steadying voice of influence and reason. Highly intuitive, they can sense the mood in an environment and accurately predict how things will turn out. The challenges of daily life may impact the HSP more than others.

Because many societies tend to be geared towards the less sensitive, then some HSPs suffer from low self esteem, as they feel that they don't "fit in " in certain situations or that they go against the grain and that their strengths aren't always appreciated by society. If you've read this far, then you are or think you are an HSP. Below are top ten tips for making the most of your trait: I've certainly found these to be helpful and you may too.

1. Meditate regularly.
The benefits of meditation are well known. It increases clarity, calmness and being "grounded".

2. Take up Yoga/Pilates.
These help to strengthen and ground you and may be preferable to more energetic exercises ie high impact aerobics.

3. Clear clutter
Especially in working or resting areas - too much "stuff" around is a distraction.

4. Avoid overstimulation
Especially watching TV excessively - too much loud music (especially before you go to bed)

5. Learn how to assert your need for solitude and time alone to relax, reflect or process

6. Develop and strengthen your personal boundaries

7. Ensure that you sleep well - wind down before you go to bed

8. Plan ahead in managing change - take risks in small steps

9. Don't take on too much activity at once - it will overstimulate and unsettle you

10. Be aware of your diet - stop or reduce your intake of caffeine, sugar - they often overstimulate you.

Find out more about foods and supplements which calm and relax you and incorporate more of them in your diet. Doing all of the above will help develop your creativity as well as providing a firmer personal foundation for you. Remember that being sensitive does not being weak and that you can learn how to harness and fully develop your unique talents.

Additional points: All of this still rings true of course, but with EFT, it can really help to solidify and integrate all of the above into your lifestyle. For instance, developing and strengthening your personal boundaries is an absolute must (and something that is very current for me right now) and EFT can help remove negative energy blockages which prevent you from doing so.

A future posting is due on strengthening personal boundaries - this is very, very fundamental for highly sensitive people and intuitive empaths. Not doing so means a very reduced quality of life and blocking off abundance.

Kicking the Procrastination Habit - revision

2006-07-22T15:25:00.000Z

My previous post was of an article that has been very popular after it was first published in 2003. The guidance given still hold good now, but I have a different perspective on procrastination, one that doesn't treat it like a disease to be overcome with treatment.

With what I now know and have experienced with energy medicine, leads me to believe that procrastination can be a wonderful witness to assist us in our energetic detective trail. If we procrastinate over doing something or being with someone, our subconscious normally has a good reason for it, even if we are not always fully aware of it at the time.

Sapping my spirit and energy

I know that when I was working at a job that sapped my spirit and energy, getting there took longer and longer. I procrastinated over getting up and leaving the house; my spirit just didn't want to co-operate. Several years on I realised what that particular form of procrastination was telling me.

Procrastinating often means that the task (whatever it is) has become a "should" a "have to" and is usually the (often unconscious) diktat of someone else. It could be parents, teachers, peer group, colleagues, the media. Sometimes this "voice" belongs to someone who is no longer in physical form, but exerts just as great an influence over your mind, body and spirit.

Maybe the procrastination is symptomatic of a deeply held issue with very long emotional roots and attachments, that has not been identified. Whatever the reasons - and there could be a multitude of them - any tendency to procrastinate over various issues and situations is indicative of something much bigger.

Procrastination is a big energy drain

Being at war with procrastination is a very big energy drain. Because procrastination is a form of resistance. Until that resistance is eliminated, then the same situations and issues will keep on cropping up again and again with regular and frustrating frequency.

EFT offers a way to get to the core issue of why someone is procrastinating and then neutralize and eliminate the negative energies causing the procrastination. After that then it isn't a issue of "making" yourself do something, but rather removing the energetic blockages so that you can allow yourself to do it (whatever "it" is with ease and efficiency) and cease holding back on allowing abundance.

10 Ways to Kick the Procrastination Habit!

2006-07-22T15:20:00.000Z

I recently read about a survey (by the University of Chicago) which suggested that those who relish challenge are more likely to live up to 10 years longer than those who spend their lives inhibited by timidity.

Trying to realize our ambitions, even if we don't always meet them, is preferable to not having the courage or motivation to take the risk. So not making any resolutions because we fear that we'll break them is having a defeatist attitude, as we allow procrastination to become an insidious habit which stops us from leading more fulfilling lives.

The following offers 10 ways to kick the procrastination habit!

1. Personal values development.

Take the time to find out what you really want in life, what your personal values are. Do you want more time, more money, better health, greater self esteem and confidence, more fulfilling relationships, a different career, set up a business? When we procrastinate it's often because what we are planning to do is not really aligned with what we truly want. We may be scared of our skills (or perceived lack of) or fear ridicule from others.

2. Make health and high energy levels a priority.

Without good health we are less likely to have the energy and dynamism needed to make positive changes in our lives and it's easier (and necessary if you're very ill) to procrastinate. So ensure that you have a nourishing diet, sleep well, exercise and meditate. Incidentally, it is thought that regular meditation helps delay the worst effects of the ageing process.

3. Visualize your life without procrastination.

See and feel the benefits in your life if you didn't procrastinate. What could you do and achieve? Begin to act as if you're not a procrastinator. Write down, draw, imagine your life as a film. Use affirmations to help you.

4. Banish the Gremlin.

That little voice which runs on auto in your head - that dismisses any idea that you might have. It says things like "I'm not in the mood" "I don't have time" "I can't do this". Stop running on auto, replace the "should's" "oughts" "have tos" with "want to" "desire". You have a choice. Acknowledge your choices and banish the Gremlin. Again, using affirmations can help you replace the Gremlin with more positive alternatives.

5. Over commitment.

Saying "yes" to everything - often leaves you feeling tired and without the energy to focus on what is most important to you. This leads to procrastination as projects and tasks are dropped. Identify what is most important to you and only focus on those areas which will make the biggest difference to your life. It will enhance your focus and motivation.

6. Set personal and professional goals.

It's hard to motivate yourself when you don't have a good idea of what you want to accomplish. So when setting goals think about what you want to achieve in the short term and long term. Techniques for doing so include the SMART strategy. S = specific M = measurable A= Action R = Realistic T = Time based. Use goal setting software to help you in goal planning and setting.

7. Prioritize Your Goals.

Develop a plan or schedule to help you reach your goals. In doing so you will begin to identify whether some elements need to be included or enhanced or dropped completely. Also remember to be flexible, revisit your goals regularly and modify or drop if appropriate. Just because a goal is written down doesn't mean that it is set in stone!

8. Divide and conquer.

Once you've prioritized your goals, divide them into smaller chunks. Sometimes we procrastinate because a project seems really large that the scale of it overwhelms us and puts us into a temporary form of paralysis - you don't know where to start, so you don't start at all! Approach each project - especially large ones - on a step by step basis.

9. Reward yourself.

Once you start to complete tasks, reward yourself by giving yourself something that you want. So instead of seeing a film before you complete a task, see it afterwards and make it a reward for you.

10. Just get started.

No excuses. Don't wait until you're "in the mood". The mood never comes! It is a clever camouflage and a delaying tactic. What you resist persists! Start with what is easiest, so that you experience immediate success, which will give you the fuel and motivation to upgrade and take on larger projects.

Do any of the above and you'll be well on your way to Kicking the Procrastination Habit. And if you're procrastinating over doing any of the above :.), then remember that life is the biggest deadline of all!

Letting Go of The Maze (aka Following Your Own Path)

2006-07-20T12:24:00.000Z

Last weekend, I took a short break in Kent, south east England, commonly known as "the Garden of England". I went to Leeds Castle, which is set amongst very beautiful and extensive parkland. I really enjoyed it; I'd forgotten how beautiful the English countryside could be on a breezy summer's day.

Within the grounds is a small maze and without really thinking about whether I should go in (it normally takes me a while to get out of these places!), I walked in. It took me about a few steps to completely lose my bearing. I had the information sheet in my hand and it said that the average time to solve the maze was 20mins; I began to feel as though I'd be in there for much longer. My imagination took flight and I had visions of it being midnight and I would still be walking around alone in this maze, unable to get out.

Help was at hand though.

A man who had already reached the summit of the maze and was directing his young son ("Charles, turn left, then go right........"), so I decided to follow his son (who seemed about 7 years old) with the hope of getting to the top. I tried following him for a while, but got no closer. In the end I lost him and began to feel humiliated at the thought of being "beaten" by a 6 year old (even if he was being given fatherly directions).

I was getting extremely annoyed at myself and the situation (my ego anticipated a rather large bruising!), that in the end I completely resigned myself to being hopelessly lost and meandered aimlessly.

Before I knew it, I was on my way to the top of the maze.

What a relief.

As I looked down on the maze's exquisite patterning from the summit I realised two things:

(i) Letting go got me there

The minute I relaxed and ceased putting pressure on myself to get to the top of the maze I was practically there. I do have the pernicious habit of efforting, instead of being present and in the flow. The maze was a potent example of the power and ease of letting go and (literally) getting out of my own way.

(ii) Following my own path got me there too

In order to reach my destination, I was attempting to follow someone else's directions - the man at the summit who was directing his son, instead of my own relaxed intuitive wanderings.

And where did that get me?

Nowhere. Even more lost than ever.

The minute I'd lost the "shoulds" of someone else's directions, I was free to find my own way to the destination with ease and graciousness.

Every time I find myself struggling to achieve something or hearing the energetic heavy weight of the words "should" "ought to", I remind myself that there is another way.

I reached the summit in 15 mins.

Silence is Golden

2006-07-12T12:10:00.000Z

Last week marked the end of "The Convent" - a four part series on BBC Television, which took four ordinary women out of their lives and placed them in a Convent for 40 days and nights. This programme was the female version of the "The Monastery" in which five ordinary men stayed in a monastery for 40 days and nights. The length of time is not coincidental of course; 40 days and 40 nights is the amount of time that Jesus spent in the wilderness, resisting temptation (the basis for Lent) and the number 40 is very significant in other biblical aspects as well.

The women (and I'll concentrate on The Convent, because it's fresher in my mind) are expected to devote themselves, like the Nuns do, to contemplation, silence and prayer. This means rising at 5.00am, with seven church services to attend every day. This is a very taxing schedule, especially for some of the women, who are more used to controlling their own time and are finding this an unnecessarily harsh discipline.

Predictable rebellion

Almost predictably, most of them rebel in some form; not attending meetings or services, fraternising with each other in their rooms (this is not allowed), leaving the grounds of the Convent (nuns aren't allowed to leave the Convent, although there are some exceptions to this).

The nuns, in their wisdom, expect this and whilst they voice their displeasure at the rebellion, also realise that it is a sign of fear, worry and deep insecurity. The women are finding it difficult to face themselves and their fears and so breaking the rules operates as a form of distraction.

There really is nothing like 40 days and nights in a convent to start looking at yourself, your life and watch all of your cherished assumptions, beliefs and the identity you've based your life on fall away. At the end, one of the women wonders whether the disapproving voice she always thought belonged to other people and/or authority was really her own.

Surrender to what is

What the nuns realised was that the women needed to surrender to the discipline, to the silence, the routine and the structure, rather than fighting it and then they would get much more out of the experience. It would truly be life changing.

And they did surrender. Without exception all of the women stated that their lives had been changed in a very profound way.

One of the women said at the end:

"It's been agony, it's been horrible, it's been awful; an environment I'd never choose for my life..................it has brought out something in me that I needed. Being here has basically jammed me into a mould and yet that mould has allowed me to grow more"

And on a similar theme, another woman said: ..............

"I needed to be enclosed in order to discover that I am free"

I was deeply moved by the programme; it's one of the most compelling I've viewed in years.

Silence is Golden

What it brought up for me was how little silence that we allow into our lives. Silence is troubling and unsettling for many people, which is why we turn on the TV, radio, compulsively use the Internet, shop till we drop and use any amount of distractions to drown the silence. But it is in silence that we hear the "still, small voice of God" - as the nuns know all too well.

Like the women, too many memories, issues, thoughts, ideas which we have spent a lot of time suppressing to maintain our place in the world, come to the surface when it is silent and that can be overwhelming.

At least the women were in a very safe place - probably one of the safest - because they were being supported throughout their personal journey. Most of us won't have that to hand which is one of the reasons we are scared of silence; because we are scared of what we will unearth.

Keeping busy

Maybe we keep ourselves busy because we don't want to recognise that our relationship is faltering, we don't know who our children are, we hate our jobs but can't see that there is an alternative, can't face the pain of a fractured past etc.

If we allow ourselves the silence for these memories to come up, it may cause ructions and the carefully constructed edifice of our lives will come crashing down. However, EFT does provide a very simple, painless, non invasive way of looking and dealing with our stuff and knowing this means that we are better able and more willing to face our fears and gain the support we need to do so.

Rising to the surface

Because being silent and allowing "stuff" to come to the surface, also allows it to be released And being in silence for part of the day (early morning preferably) is a massive boost to our energy system.

If I don't spend some time in silent contemplation at the beginning of the day I feel "off". However, many of us rush to the TV for our regular input of bad news, we're laced up with caffeine, depleting our energy before we leave the door to go to work!

I won't say that it's always easy, but that investment of time in silence, meditation and contemplation pays dividends in terms of clarity of thinking, increased energy and linking to the source of who you really are.

I'm not sure if you can still access The Convent on the website; if you can then watch it. It's a fascinating study of personal growth and transformation.

Energetic plumber required for England's football (soccer) team

2006-07-02T10:14:00.000Z

So England's football team have been eliminated from the World Cup on penalties - again.

It's not the first time it has happened; in fact England have an inglorious tradition of going out of major competitions on penalties. And I won't go into the gory details of that.

What I am interested in is the very apparent, yet unconscious energetic resistance England have to winning major football competitions.

England didn't have the energy to win

I've begun looking at football matches from an energetic point of view. And it is very obvious which teams have the energy and spirit to win and which teams don't. You don't need to know about tactics or strategy to work that one out. Although the English media wanted us to believe otherwise, it was very clear that England didn't have the energy and the ability to focus that energy, to win the World Cup.

On paper the English team are very talented and they perform very well for their clubs, but they don't seem able to gell into a winning combination as the national team and this has been the case for 40 years.

Energetic blocks and resistance

My belief is that deep down, the English players suffer from energetic blocks and resistance to winning passed down through the generations and ghosts and mindset of previously unsuccessful English footballers.

Healers often talk about "generational imprints", whereby experiences, beliefs become encoded into our cells and situations repeat themselves throughout every successive generation (and science is beginning to discover this too). In this case It isn't genetic, but vibrationally passed down, but the effect is still the same.

These energetic blocks are nearly always unconscious, but it doesn't take too much investigation to discover what they are.

Many EFT specialists will state that one of the most common issues that their clients present is fear of success and not, as you might logically expect, fear of failure.

Fear of success

Fear of success is a huge energetic block for many people and hinders them in so many ways. If it isn't addressed or acknowledged then excuses are made for the lack of success, not enough money, time, support etc. You'll see this in the media reports of the England - Portgual match. They'll say it's because England's best striker, Wayne Rooney, was sent off. Sven Goran Eriksson, the England team manager, used the wrong formation and strategy, the weather was too hot etc.....

What they won't say is that there is a latent, unrecognized fear of success, because that would be unpatriotic wouldn't it?

As any EFT specialist knows, you have to address the benefits of a problematic situation because these are always present, otherwise there wouldn't be a problem. People are initially resistant to recognising and acknowledging this because it doesn't seem to make sense.

Carol Look, EFT Master, provides an excellent example in her must listen to podcast EFT Talk. She specialises in weight loss and addiction. One of her clients wanted to stop smoking. She asked her what the downside of stopping smoking might be. Her client said that it was the only valid reason she had for escaping from her husband and children (who hated her smoking) and having some time to herself.

Trying too hard

If this reason was unaddressed, this client would have been relying on willpower and trying really hard, usuallly to no avail. In fact trying too hard is often a sign that there are energetic blocks. I could see this last night as England ran their guts out, as if they were trying to push through some unseen obstacle, which of course they were. They were running straight into an invisible wall built by their own unconscious resistance.

One of the most common reasons for fear of success, is not being able to handle what comes with it. This could mean increased expectations because the bar has been raised. It could also mean losing contact or feeling set apart from the family or community. There are as many reasons as there are people.

Always the bridesmaid, often just the guest

There is within the English football team and footballing culture, an unacknowledged and unaddressed downside to winning a major international competition (even greater expectations perhaps?). As long as it remains unrecognized, we can expect to see England playing the bridesmaid on even more occasions as the same old situation plays round and round.

EFT offers a very effective way to discover and dispel those blocks. But is English football ready for this? Or is it better the devil you know?

And after my previous posting on EFT and sport, maybe I should contact the English Football Association....

Turning Dreams into Dollars

2006-06-26T16:31:00.000Z

I've been watching the latest of the Emotional Freedom Technique videos (EFT) in my collection; EFT to the Palace of Possibilities. In one session, titled "Turning Dreams into Dollars" (and boy wouldn't we all like to know how to do that!).

Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, says that EFT will really take off once it is introduced into the sports arena. I think he's right and I also think that once other kinds of performers, ie actors, musicians etc start using and referring to it publicly, it will blow the gasket off what is probably the best kept self help secret up to now.

And one of the reasons that it is so well hidden is that EFT is still largely used as a therapeutic tool, rather than a peak performance tool. There are some EFT specialists who use it for peak performance, but generally speaking, EFT isn't widely used or known in that respect. I'd welcome your comments on this, but judging from the list of conditions mentioned on the main EFT website, you get a clear indication of what EFT is currently being used for.

However, in this series of DVDs, Gary Craig was waxing lyrical about how if he was starting out now (he trained as an Engineer in Stanford and ran his own investment business prior to developing EFT) he would definitely aim for the sports field. He was giving his audience (mostly EFT practitioners from a mainly therapeutic background) ideas on how to break into the business world and different ways to price their services, since no one was making the kind of money that they wanted.

What was fascinating was the seeming lack of interest within the audience for his ideas. He commented on it, saying that not only could he sense little enthusiasm about what he was saying, but also he could hear their energetic blocks. You could almost taste the resistance to what he was saying.

He was right.

One man did "admit" to having some kind of epiphany, but it really wasn't that obvious to anyone else.

My take is that Gary was barking up the wrong tree.

His stated goal when he developed and publicised EFT was to establish it within the therapeutic community. And to some extent he has done that, although there's plenty more ground to be covered.

But the kind of people who are therapists are generally not the kind of people who would want to work with individuals in multi-million dollar businesses, whether involved in sports or not. Although this is where the money is.

There are at least two reasons for this.

Many therapists have an anti-business stance.

There is a sense that making money involves exploiting others and is a "dirty" thing to do and that it isn't spiritual to make lots of money (has anybody told Oprah Winfrey, Deepak Chopra or Wayne Dyer this, as Gary might state) therefore they make less money than they want. This idea isn't always stated, but it is energetically very present, hidden but very palpably close to the surface.

Therapists are more used to working with trauma.

Well, what does that mean? They are more used to using their skills to help others overcome their emotional difficulties, rather than using EFT for peak performance. In essence, they often turn out to be the same thing. Because fulfilling your potential often relies on addressing and dispelling those emotional blocks (often based in long forgotten traumatic events). What's important here is to realise that this is more likely to be the therapists' mindset, which hinders them working with businesses.

And............................................

The idea doesn't resonate with them.

A therapist's motivation is to help people heal, not help businesses make more money or an already rich basketball/football/baseball player become even more successful. Even if it does involve helping them over traumatic incidents.

And it doesn't matter how enthusiastic someone is about an idea which is certain to be profitable or take off if the audience isn't congruent or vibrationally aligned with it. I sensed that the idea of working with businesses would violate some of the audience's values. And working against your values takes up way too much energy and RAM to be worthwhile, no matter how much money is involved; it'll bite you on the butt in the end.

I also think that therapists tend to be quite private people by nature and the idea of working with large organizations (even on a 1-1 basis) may lead to more exposure than they are comfortable with. For instance, rather than them approaching businesses direct, Gary suggested that he would write introductory letters to open the door for his audience. The audience were seemingly more open to that idea, but the thought of approaching any business, even one to which they had been introduced still seemed daunting.

It seemed quite obvious that they were not enthusiastic about Gary's ideas, sound though they were. And it was intriguing to see that, in my opinion, he didn't quite understand why that was, although he obviously noted it. Because Gary Craig has a business background, he didn't quite understand the reluctance and resistance of his audience to get involved. What he was saying just seemed incongruent to many of their (often unstated) values. Publicising EFT to therapists is one thing. To expect those same therapists to open the doors in business, sports and entertainment in a major way is another.

I also suspect that Gary probably wished he had gone into the sports arena with EFT (he mentions his football coach with plenty of affection and is obviously a sports afficionado) and whilst he hadn't done it, he wanted to "pass the baton" onto someone who would.

And there just didn't seem to be many takers.

EFT has to be presented as a peak performance tool, rather than just a therapeutic one in order to make any real headway into the sports, business and entertainment world. If it isn't then it is more likely to be dismissed. People will happily pay more for something that is viewed as a peak performance technique and are more likely to see its immense value and potential.

When EFT takes off in those fields, it is more likely to be from someone already working in that field who can leverage their experience into the stratosphere using EFT and can see the fantastic potential. The same people who have used it in a therapeutic environment are not likely to do so.

Then again, I could be wrong................

If anyone is familiar with this particular set of DVD's (and even if they're not!) I'd love to see your comments.

3 Reasons to Set Goals

2006-06-20T16:38:00.000Z

Oh no, not another posting on setting goals! I hear you groan.

Goal setting is the hardy perennial of personal development. Something which is seen as absolutely vital to create the life you want. I've been to both extremes - being both a dedicated goal setter and having few goals (if any) at all. Right now I'd say that I'm in the middle.

Steven Shapiro, author of Goal Free Living is of the belief that goals can actually get in the way of actually living, because they encourage us to focus on the future and can make us inflexible as to the hidden opportunities which await us now. He doesn't advocate directionless living. He states that we should have a general idea and direction of where we want to go, but to remain fully present, authentic and open to other possibilities.

This sounds good to me. And is a pretty good summary of where I am right now.

Even so I still advocate setting goals for the following reasons:

1. To discover your values

Now there are some schools of thought which suggest that you set your goals after you've discovered your values. I agree with this. But this can often feel a little vague. Sometimes it is good to set a goal that you are excited about working towards and achieving (very important) and then the values inherent within that goal often reveals itself. It is a process of discovery (different values at different phases of your life) and a fluid process.

2. To find out what you really want

How you feel about the goal shows whether it is indicative of whether it is truly aligned with what you really want out of life. Your feelings are a fabulous guidance system and you'll know if your goal resonates authentically within you. If it doesn't then the goal is likely to be a "should" "have to" or "ought to" and your spirit will not co-operate in successful achievement of the goal. You'll learn a lot from this process too. But you'll never know unless you set a definitive goal.

3. Goals give you direction

Well that's pretty obvious isn't it? But there's more to it than that. The process of achieving the goal leads you down a particular path and on the way you may decide that you want to go down another route. But setting the original goal was instrumental in bringing you there.

The process of achieving a goal should be just as compelling as its actual completion, if not more so. Because, if you're flexible and open, it'll draw you into avenues that you may not have considered otherwise and which could prove to more fulfilling, satisfying and lucrative. That is the mystery and beauty of life and why you should continue to set goals.

5 Ways to Conserve Your Energy - Part 1

2006-06-10T14:19:00.001Z

Different governments, officials, environmental agencies exhort us to conserve the energy we use in order to save the environment and sustain our continued existence on the planet.

On a personal level I think that we also need to know how to conserve and focus our own personal supply of energy. We unconsciously dissipate and waste our energy on people, situations, thoughts, attitudes and events which do not serve us well. This leaves less space and energy for creating and attracting the kind of abundance that we want in our lives.

Interestingly enough I've also found that as I conserve energy, I tend to use less energy on craving and acquiring "stuff", thereby helping the environment.

So here are 5 Ways to Conserve Your Personal Energy and simultaneously enhance our Essential Connection.

1. Release Resistance

Releasing resistance will affect a profound change in your level of energy and how you view the world. Resistance often feels as though we are going against ourselves in order to satisfy some internal authority or a myriad of "shoulds" "oughts" and "have tos". It takes a tremendous amount of energy to be resistant.

Related feelings and behaviour include: procrastination, using willpower and discipline to effect change (otherwise known as "The Hard Way"!), stubborness, inflexibility, wanting to be right rather than happy (a very popular one:), holding onto self limiting beliefs way past their sell by date.

Releasing resistance can be as easy as just making a decision to let go of whatever you are holding onto. Energy therapy also helps release resistance at a very deep level.

2. Reduce time watching TV

Watching TV unconsciously is very exhausting. Haven't you noticed that when you watch TV continuously and do little else, you become extremely tired? That's because you are merely a passive recipient of information that you're not fully engaged with. On an energetic level, taking in all of those rays from the TV (similar to a computer) is overstimulating on a physiological level. Of course while you watch TV, it means that you're not doing something more productive.

Am I saying that you stop watching TV altogether? No, but to be more selective and watch only those programs that you are engaged with. I'd also say that stop watching the TV news - all of that manufactured fear really affects you on a cellular level. I find that my mindset, moods and overall energy improve significantly when I watch less TV.

3. Consciously create vacuums

Ever heard of the saying: "Nature abhors a vacuum". If you clean out an area of your life, you are giving the Universe a message to bring in something to replace it. This is otherwise known as energetic and/or physical clutter clearing. Start with either. Most people find it easier to start with clearing out the physical which has an effect on their energies. You are consciously creating the space for change to occur and inviting what you want into your life. This is much much easier than efforting to make things happen.

4. Avoid/deal with Energy Vampires

One of the quickest ways to get an energy boost is to disassociate yourself from those with those whose energy drains you. It is very effective. Unfortunately, it also becomes a little more difficult if they are your partner, member of your family, work colleagues or boss. It helps to develop a stronger set of boundaries and energetic protection, so that they are less likely to affect you in this way.

5. Create or prepare quiet time for yourself every day.

Not to do anything (unless it relaxes you), but just to clear and refresh your mind. We are human beings, not doings. There are times when our crowded schedule and minds don't allow space and time for the creative to be welcomed in. Einstein liked to go sailing in the afternoons after working in the morning. Okay, most of us don't have this opportunity, but you get the point.

There are plenty of other ways to conserve and increase your energy supply. What others do you have?

What is EFT?

2006-05-27T11:43:00.000Z

I keep mentioning the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and haven't really explained what it is. So here's a quote taken from the EFT website.

"It is a unique version of acupuncture except you don't use needles. Instead, you stimulate well established energy meridian points on your body by tapping on them with your fingertips".

EFT works on the basis that our unresolved negative emotions are major contributors to most physical pains and diseases. This is hardly new or original thought and has been part of Eastern healing practices for many thousands of years. There is nothing new under the sun.

But the traditional model of medical practice works on the separation of mind, body and spirit and the concept of EFT is often one that is hard for them to accept. I think that this is because it promotes the idea of the patient being able to take greater responsibility for their own healing, which in itself promotes a greater recovery.

But the main reason that I love EFT is that it is so easy to use and it is free! The EFT website offers a free 79 page download which explains EFT in detail and the layman can begin working with it straight away. The website is very comprehensive and offers numerous case studies by EFT practitioners on how EFT has helped often hard to treat issues which haven't responded to any other forms of treatment.

Take some time and investigate this site and better still, download the the extensive free manual. For a small investment of your time, you'll have a healing technique (literally) at your fingertips to ensure greater health and well being.

Enhancing the Essential Connection

2006-05-25T13:17:00.000Z

In my last post I mentioned the importance of having time alone and I realised that once I took time off of the treadmill to relax and just enjoy the present moment, without my mind fastforwarding to the future, ideas and solutions to problems begun to rise to the surface. A natural sifting process took place as priorities began to rise to the surface (and they were not the ones I thought they "ought" to be!)

I realised the areas in which I was truly wasting time (watching TV mindlessly; being with people who were draining me, doing things that I didn't want to do but felt that I had to do - a perennial favourite of mine) and when I wasn't.

Using my emotions as my guidance system, I also realised that I felt energised when doing stuff that made my heart sing and sluggish when I was wasting time. (Your body is such a fantastic conduit of knowledge and signpost!). I also began letting go of activities where I was wasting time and energy

I began to look at my energy and see where it was leaking out and diminishing me and my ability to be joyous, creative and productive. As I went through that process I started to create more time.

It's a paradox, but the best way to have more time is to give yourself more time to be, ponder and relax because it then becomes really clear what is actually important to you. Whole swathes of activity and "stuff" can be let go of once you realise what your priorities truly are.

Make time for yourself and time will make way for you.

Making the Essential Connection

2006-05-23T14:56:00.000Z

It's fine talking about the Essential Connection, but what is it and how can we incorporate it into our lives?

The Essential Connection is about the essence of who you are. It's when you take off layer upon layer of what you've been told you should be, your job, your relationship, your abode. It is none of those things. It is your Spirit. It is your connection with the flowing energy of the Universe.

We have experienced it, even when it seems brief. When we go on holiday and witness a stunning sunset, fantastic sex, being with good friends and able to be ourselves. It is that feeling of oneness which we seem to reserve for special occasions, without realising that it is our birthright and that it can be experienced every day with a little more self awareness and willingness to experience it.

And how do we manage to do that?

By becoming conscious. By taking the time and realising the importance of being conscious.

I guess you could also call it the Power of Now.

Most of us don't spend enough quality time alone. Time that is spent doing very little, time to invest in a hobby where we lose track of time. Many of us are actually scared to spend time alone, because of what we're afraid of what will come up and so keep ourselves trapped in artificial "busyness".

Having some kind of daily meditative practice helps us to connect to our essential selves, clearing out the drainage of our minds' active, repetitive and often negative thoughts.

If you don't spend some time alone, what are you really afraid of?

About the Essential Connection

2006-05-19T18:37:00.000Z

I have a blog called Using the Law of Attraction. I think that the Law of Attraction offers a great framework from which to live life - but I've found that there was something missing. The "allowing" part is the hardest part for most people.

To put it very simply, The Law of Attraction operates thus:

You identify what you want;
You align yourself vibrationally with your desire;
The Universe answers your request;
You allow it in.

The allowing part is where most people trip up. We fear success just as much, if not more so, than we fear failure. Having attracted some things into my life, but not others, I 've been intrigued by why I've succeeded at some times and not others.

And when I didn't receive what I wanted it was usually because I was subconsciously resisting what I wanted. This has led me to investigate vibrational medicine or energy healing, especially the Emotional Freedom Technique. This has been quite revelatory for me because I've discovered deeply entrenched emotional and energetic blocks which have been subconsciously tripping me up!

So whilst the Law of Attraction is fine for those who are energetically primed to receive what they want, for those of us who aren't, it doesn't fully address dissipating those emotional blocks that stops us from allowing what we desire into our lives.

So this blog is really about looking at ways to address emotional and energetic blocks (which are at the core of mental and physical blockages as well) which stops us from connecting to our essential, authentic selves ("The Essential Connection") and allowing more abundance into our lives. Think of it as melting away the hidden dam in our minds, bodies and spirits.