Holding and Creating Spaces Within and Without
I used to go on weekend breaks with a friend of mine. We went to a hotel to relax, chat, catch up on stuff and be pampered. Being a great water drinker, I used to carry my bottles of water around and used to suggest to my friend that she do the same. (Water in hotels is ultra expensive). She responded very interestingly which was it reminded her of her mother telling her to eat her vegetables.
What I'd said was obviously a trigger of being told what to do. She could obviously hear a nagging parental voice in what I'd said. She knew that she ought to drink more water for her overall health and well being, but couldn't bring herself to do because it felt like giving in to her mother's commands.
I got the message and shut up about the whole subject. What right did I have to tell her what to drink or what not to drink?No wonder she was annoyed.
Several months later we went away for a short break again. I noted that she was carrying water with her.
What is this all about?
My friend may have changed because I nagged her about drinking water. But what I think actually happened is that I held a place open for her to change. In the months between the two weekends away, she obviously had time to reflect and realised that she was hurting herself by not doing something that would make her feel better in order to get back at her mother.
However, I also let go of my need to tell her what she should be doing. I released the energy around this and allowed her to be who she was. This gave her the space to change.
We spend inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to change and control other people. That energy could better be used in living a life we love. We can't force or tell people to change and hope that they will. Well they might, for a short while, but it won't be sustainable, because it's not coming from their deepest desires. People need space to change and that space is acceptance of who they are and where they are now.
Growth and change happens in that space between activities. Holding that space within allows transformation within manifested without.