Saturday, December 30, 2006

Energy Vampires: Cutting the Ties That Bind

My last post about family ties reminded me that I always intended to a write a post about energy vampires (interesting association!). It also reminds me that we are often drained by out of date relationships, but keep them because of the shoulds and ought tos that we have in our belief and energy system.

Family ties are blood ties and as such provide fertile ground for
energy vampires, although energy vampires are often not family members. But they often are people who trigger off energetic memories of family members.

I am reminded of a recent reiki session where the healer mentioned that three members of her family were visiting her and she'd given them reiki sessions. She felt very drained after giving three of them healing sessions, much more than if she'd done a full day's healing in which she'd see on average 10 - 12 clients.

I believe that this is because there are still very strong energetic ties in place with family members and it felt as though her family were taking much more energy from her because of those ties, than another customer would. There may also be an issue of payment and energy exchange. I didn't ask if she charged them, I suspect that she didn't because if she had she may not have felt that loss so much, but that is another issue.

I have been an energy vampire and been on the receipt of vampirism. I feel that being either is more likely to happen to a
highly sensitive person (HSP), because HSPs take more time to process energy and therefore they process it more deeply. If a sensitive person is not aligned with their purpose in life and do not operate exemplary self care with some regular energy work, they are blocking their own energy and power. They are afraid to step into their own power and as such will start seeking energy and power from other people.

Most of this takes place on a subconscious level, but how do you know if you've been in the presence of an energy vampire? You feel tired, drained or just more negative after being in their company or even speaking on the phone to them. You start getting signs from your body (stomach starts getting butterflies for eg) around them.

I had specific tell tale signs that someone I was associating with was an energy vampire. My stomach usually lurched if I heard them enter a room; it was like a kick in the stomach. Another sign was that if I was going to talk to someone I had to make sure that I was in fantastic energetic condition so that I could talk to them. If this person was also a friend, it was time to evaluate the friendship. Another giveaway was that I'd be talking to someone (normally listening to their problems) and they would say that they felt so much better after talking to me. If I didn't feel better, then I knew that they were an energy vampire.

The energy vampire within

But, like atttracts like, and I now realise that I attract energy vampires when my own energy is low, I've been giving too much of my energy away and my own self care has been lacking. We do attract what we haven't fully resolved in and for ourselves.

In addition, HSPs are often naturally giving and loving people and we are often encouraged to give away too much of ourselves to help other people, even when it is detrimental to our own energy. This tendency shows up a lot in the healing professions. And healers have to be especially aware of creating strong energetic boundaries to deter energy vampires.

So here are ways to deal with energy vampirism:

1. Operate exemplary self care

On a physical level this means sleeping well, eating well, taking regular exercise, undertaking some form of regular meditative and/or energy work. Respecting your energy and sensitivities pays great dividends in the long run, allowing you to feel more alive, grounded and focused.

2. Set boundaries

Be clear about what you will and won't tolerate in your life. It can be frightening to start setting effective boundaries, but it will definitely help you with deterring energy vampires. Using energy work to clear out any fears over upsetting people or not feeling safe enought to set boundaries.

3. Energy vampires are your mirror

Yes, like does attract like on a vibrational level and I realise that if I am attracting energy vampires, it's because on another level I'm being one myself and not looking after myself properly. So in that sense it's a great guide to resolving issues within oneself, even if it does feel painful at times! That pain is often resistance asserting itself via your ego.

4. Avoid people who are energy vampires

Easier said than done, especially if they are members of your family! But I liken this to stopping smoking. In the early stages of stopping smoking, you avoid those old haunts where you would normally smoke, because it'll trigger you into starting again. It is the same here, whilst you are building strong energetic boundaries and developing an exemplary self care schedule, it is best to avoid people, where possible, who subconsciously steal your energy. You'll find that as you do, they'll either change or move out of your life.

There are other protective techniques, such as visualising white light around you and so on and if that works for you then that is great. But generally I find that setting strong boundaries and looking after yourself using energy work is a lot easier, because after a while, the energy vampires will sense your energetic strength and will avoid you.


At July 17, 2007 7:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you stop being an energy vampire?

At September 17, 2007 6:38 PM, Blogger Julie Plenty said...

I'll write a post about this soon.

But here's a hint: start operating extreme self care.

At December 15, 2007 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When i was a kid a psycologist told my mother that i was an energy vampire. how do u get rid of it?

At December 18, 2007 2:06 PM, Blogger Julie Plenty said...


It's not something you get rid of, but rather learning how to manage your energy and raise your level of awareness. Read the article on dealing with Energy Vampires: Setting Boundaries.

At December 22, 2007 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I strongly believe that my mother is an energy vampire. I have no way to get away from her and being in constant connection with her is trying to the point of almost giving up. Is there anyway that i can stop her from making me feel so terribly drained all of the time?

At February 06, 2008 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is an interesting post.
i am definitely an extremely sensitive person and i am also aware of when people are energy vampires and also sometimes i am aware of when i am being energy vampire also so therefore i also always make the effort to compensate effectively when i can to 'pay' for people's kindness.
In general I do respond to others, and I guess we all want 'approval' and we all want to 'give' = but we all need to make sure that we give and receive equally to be fair.

it is all about 'energy' i guess - and about 'gratitude' and not taking people for granted.
i know that sometimes people also give in different ways = so sometimes you might think someone is 'not giving' in one way, but then they might have a block in that department, and give in other ways.
i also know for example, that when people give 'a lot' soemtimes over compensating for lack of self esteem, people will take them for granted.
it certainly happens wiht me sometimes people take advantage too much, the weird thing is when your energy is 'low' and people seem more like energy vampires at that time, like blood suckers, because they can see that your defenses are low, not necessarily because you have 'a lot to give'.
i think this is the theory of when for example you are stuck in a debt cycle, and people will try and suck more and more money out of you, because you are 'down' and they want to 'punish you'.
I think what you said about the law of attraction also counts here, because for example, when you have money or give the impression of affluence or confidence, people will want to give you money.

In fact, I've been thinking about the principle of the law of attraction, or even the law of 'self creation of desired energy' recently, when I have been feeling vulnerable and people have been victimising me, I just started focusing on feeling 'wonderful love energy inside me' and sending it out, and then it seemed to calm and soothe everyone around me, so it kind of did work.
It's a bit kind of counter intuitive though because you feel that people should be kind and respond to you when you are in need, especially if that is how i like to respond to others,
but like you mention in this article, it doesn't always work like that, and so like you say practicing active self healing does in fact work, to help to 'encourage others' to also respect and 'heal' you in turn.
It was very bizarre, I was at my parents the other day and they were all having a go at me, so I just went up to my sister and hugged her and gave her a head massage, and everyone got all blissed out around me, and the atmosphere instantly got all blissed out, and a million times better......
i guess my problem is that i am the sort of person that i need to respond to someone else = we all need other people to mirror us i guess to 'self realise'.
hm. interesting stuff to ponder.....

At February 07, 2008 2:38 PM, Blogger Julie Plenty said...

What we need to realise that highly sensitive and energy aware people are extraordinarily powerful.

I had a friend whose energy (especially at emotionally draining times) would break light bulbs. She was a very, very sensitive person. I recently read a newspaper article about a woman who had the same trait.

It's interesting that I've come across your post today, because I've been feeling hyper sensitive recently and have been doing exercise, taking regular steam baths etc to take the edge off this sensitivity.

I know that when i don't look after myself, then everyone gets on my nerves. Most people's energy is at what I call a "low grade" level. It isn't especially inspiring or uplifting and if it isn't that is likely to drain me.

Naturally i attract behaviour from people which mirrors my own hyper state -just when I least need it!

And yes it does feel counter intuitive to believe that looking after yourself means that other people treat you better. But it does.

Like you i used to think that it would be the other way round; but it isn't. i don't think that most non sensitive people aren't aware of how their energy impacts on energy sensitive people so they respond in an unconscious manner.

It's then up to us to regulate our energetic state by extreme self care in order to attract what we want in terms of how we are treated.

But i also realise that whenever I can i try not to be in contact with too many people when I'm hyper sensitive and stay in and rest as much as possible. Using a self applied technique like EFT on a regular basis is a godsend.

The previous post mentioned getting away from their mother who is an energy vampire. i've been in that situation and all I can say is that the more I looked after myself energetically, the less she drained me and the more supportive she became.

it really is about how we, as energy sensitive and aware people, look after ourselves.

in the meantime though, a short break away would help a lot. In fact a short break combined with seeing an energy coach/therapist/healer to start addressing it would be a good start.

At July 22, 2009 12:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for an interesting article. Since English is not my native language this might be far from a perfect text. I recognice myself as a pure HSP, with a large potential since I have access to lots of creativity, and highly vivid visualisations. Got great power but need extreme selfcare to keep it up. Unfortunately, as you also make clear, the downside is this sensitivity to others emotional and spiritual state. And those states are seldom of great comfort. Which is sad.

But my question is; how much time is to be spent to "restore" high energies and a positive mindset (and emotional state)after an encounter with a negative person? Put in other words; sometimes such encounter can (in my world) take days, sometimes weeks to fully recover from. And is it worth it?

My friends are much like me, and we bring out the best in eachother with mutual respect.

My problems is with my family of origin.

So, I wonder what you would recommend, if those meetings or phone calls deplete me to this extent. Am getting frustrated and tired of spending such amount of time to just get up to my initial state of a positive state. I just find it a waste of precious time, even though I know it might sound harsh. In other words, I´m afraid the consequence might be a waste of me leading a productive positive life.

Hope you understand the essence of my question!

A. from Sweden

At July 25, 2009 4:23 PM, Blogger Julie Plenty said...

Hello A

Your English is excellent and your post is highly relevant. I've been thinking about how to deal with similiar issues.

First thing to say is that if you find that energy vampires are your immediate family, it's not always easy to start the process of setting clear strong boundaries.

I am assuming that you do not live with them, which should make things easier. But even if you do the following still applies.

Always work within. I find that I am more susceptible to energy vampires when I am tired and run down and at those times my family of origin has a disproportionate effect on me.

The first thing though is not to focus on your family of origin. But to focus on your self care. Regular sleep, healthy diet and exercise is a must. I really can't stress this enough. It is pivotal to having a happy life.

The second thing is to ensure that you develop some kind of centering/creative or grounding practice like meditation, yoga, journaling etc.

Both self care and centering yourself lead to raising your vibration. Consider using energy techniques like emotional freedom technique in order to clear your feelings and energy blockages around your family of origin.

In time you will begin to feel different. I am going through a similar process myself and it does take time. Have patience with yourself.

As a rule of thumb if it takes days or even weeks for you to recover from meetings with your family of origin or anyone else, then your body is giving you a massive clue that you need to spend less time with them. WAY LESS TIME.

You are not indebted to them. Your loyalty to the family has to be superceded by loyalty to yourself and your own mental, emotional and physical well being. This MUST be your priority.

Make less phone calls and meet up with them less. If you start to feel anxious about doing so or if you feel that you'll be scared of their reaction using eft to start dealing with those emotions.

I really cannot recommend it enough as a self applied technique. It might even be worth giving yourself a jump start by going away for a while, on a retreat, personal development weekend and using some kind of energy work to make yourself energetically much more stronger and able to be with your family (should you choose to) without it affecting you unduly. Or feeling good about choosing not to see or contact them regularly.


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