Friday, December 07, 2007

Raising consciousness via sporting achievement

I'm not that keen on reading newspapers and find that I often only buy them because of the sports pages. In fact some of the best, the most moving, writing comes from sports journalists. Sporting participation, whether on a professional or amateur basis is a channel for personal development.

Recently the English national rugby player, Jonny Wilkinson, described that how following some of the doctrines of Buddhism had helped him calm his mind and, it implied, improved his rugby (although he did stress that he wasn't a Buddhist - old habits die hard) In fact in a more recent article he has gone even further in talking about karma and.....

"it is about saying I am going to be of value, looking at the charity side of things, thinking about being compassionate. It is not always about achieving selfish goals. That’s egotistical.”

A few months ago I saw an interview on TV with a German goalkeeper, Oliver Kahn (known for his macho reputation), who mentioned that he often used his intuition when deciding which way to go in a penalty shootout.

I was surprised by his admission, but also the ease with which he mentioned it. I'm not used to people (and men in particular) mentioning their intuition in such a positive way. Although in retrospect, it is obvious, as sport offers the ideal arena in which to exercise it.

Joey Barton, an English soccer player with a "bad boy" reputation, states that: "I don’t think I’ll ever be judged on this earth. Whatever higher power it is, when you finally meet him you’ve got to answer for every decision you’ve made. I believe I can stand in front of my maker and say, ‘Yeah, I did this for this reason, that for this reason". He also mentions that he thinks he has a higher calling, but that football is no longer it.

Sport is a channel for creativity, self expression, personal and spiritual growth and development (whether or not it is always recognised in those terms by its participants) and ultimately a method of raising consciousness.

As Gabby Logan writes in the London Times:

“The journey” is all-important. Every one of these brilliant individuals sets goals and most achieve them, but they all somehow manage to exist in the moment................................It’s about how they find the courage to step back up to the plate when things go wrong and how they deal with increased expectation every time they add to their in the moment and enjoying the journey is something most of us could aspire to on our new year’s resolution list".

A design for life.

Friday, November 30, 2007

A Sporting Addiction

Soon after writing the last post on the hidden benefits of long standing problems, the English Football Association (F.A) sacked the manager, Steve McClaren, after England failed to qualify for next year's 2008 European championship.

What I find fascinating about the whole scenario is the subsequent feeding frenzy over who the manager should be and why England failed to qualify.

The same ideas get bandied around all of the time, with some variations. There are too many foreign players, English players are not technically skilled enough, English international players are overpaid prima donnas without heart, guts, pride or passion etc, etc. What I find interesting is how long these ideas have been around. Commentators, administrators, players, managers have been saying for years that English players are not technically skilled, this is nothing new. Building football academies was one way to address this, but it doesn't seem to have borne significant fruit.

The last time England failed to qualify for a major competition was the 1994 World Cup and there weren't that many foreigners playing in the Premier League. England had also failed to qualify for both the 1974 and 1978 World Cups when there were very few foreign players so that doesn't hold. The players then were not perceived as overpaid prima donnas either.

After England lost to Portugal on penalties in the 2006 World Cup, I wrote a post about the failure of the national team to win a major football competition in the past 40 years and how this was due to unconscious energetic blocks.

Something similar is going on with the soul searching over the national game.

I think that media, commentators, administrators, players and manager are unconsciously addicted to the problem. I sense that they are comfortable with the problem. It keeps them within their comfort zone. They can tinker with the "problem", play with it and make it look as though they are doing something, without any real intention or feeling that things will shift.

What would happen if England had a world beating football team that actually delivered? I think that this idea would make a lot of people in English (and it is primarily an English issue) very uncomfortable. They'd have to change and shift their thinking and their perception. They are actually more comfortable with the idea of mediocrity. That is what they are used to. It offers a form of protection that they are unconsciously unwilling to release.

Until they do, then continue to see the emotional rollercoaster that is the English national football team.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Alternative Approach to Problem Solving

A few years ago a friend (lets call her "M") told me that she had a friend who was forever complaining about a situation in her life, whether it was her job or living with her mother. My friend used to helpfully offer her solutions about looking for another job and a new place to live, none of which her friend took a blind bit of notice of.

It then dawned on M that her friend didn't actually want to solve the problem(s) at all. She just liked talking about them!

Do you know people in your life like this, who are forever complaining about a situation, but takes no steps to resolve it? Are you that person? Such people can be seen as energy vampires, you mistakenly think that they are asking for assistance, but they are just venting and you are draining your energy in seeking to help them.

But why would they complain about situations they have no intention of resolving? It doesn't make sense. Or does it?

Actually, it makes a lot of sense.

Reasons for long standing or recurring problems

1. Being wedded to the problem

Problems are often a way of protecting you from seeing and feeling a deeper and more profound truth about yourself. When I use the phrase "being wedded to the problem", I mean literally that, because getting a divorce from them feels very threatening. Long standing problems in particular often form part of our identity. We begin to see them as part of us. But they are NOT us. They are mental, emotional and energetic constructs which obscures our true essence and power.

2. Connection by complaint

Some friendships and relationships are based on connecting via problems and complaints. It's what I call "connection by complaint". Bonding takes place for reasons of safety, survival and often via crisis or dependency. If you make the conscious decision to start connecting from a more empowered place, rather than a problem based one, this could mean the end of the relationship.

I've noticed that some older people often connect by talking their age related ailments. This also operates as a form of bonding, something that they have in common. Another example is of an overprotective parent always worrying about an adult child. The worry is subconsciously serving a positive function for the parent, as they may believe that their worry shows that they care and that they are connected to their child, rather than disempowering them.

Another variant on this is connection by conflict. Having a common enemy gives individuals common ground to connect. Scapegoating is often the result. In personal relationships, frequent arguments, fights and drama may be the only way that is known to connect to a partner.

3. Home Alone

Many of us are afraid that true empowerment means that we'll end up alone. It's as if somehow we won't be loved unless we have problems or perceive that we have problems. If we're seen as too self sufficient, people may not gravitate towards us.

We will not be seen as human, as vulnerable or having feet of clay. Problems keep us grounded. So we will often hold onto our problems because we feel that we are loved for having them. Having problems connects us to others and may make us feel more compassionate than we might otherwise be. Problems also provide us with attention.

Energetic resolutions

Resolutions to long standing or recurring problems can often be found in our energetic field and subconscious, where they resist traditional problem solving techniques. If you want to find alternative ways to resolving long standing problems, then look at doing the following.

1. Start asking yourself questions

This is actually the hardest part, because asking yourself incisive questions means that you'll come up with answers that you may not be willing to hear! However, as we shall see, you can use simple energetic techniques to start releasing your resistance. Questions to ask yourself include:

  • What is the advantage of having this problem?
  • What is the downside to not having this problem?
  • What is the problem protecting you from?
  • How safe will you feel not having this problem?
  • What do you fear not having this problem will expose you to?Why have you defined it as a problem?

The answers to what is going on will help you realise how your problem is assisting you. Without knowing what is at the root of a longstanding or recurring problem often means that people try harder to resolve it at a conscious level. But traditional problem solving techniques have been tried on long standing problems, so if they're not working they're is something else going on.

For instance, if repeated attempts to find a job aren't working, you may want to consider that you actually don't want a job at all. It is likely to be that unconscious conflicts are preventing you from finding a job. It might be that the job that you are qualified to do or have been doing is no longer aligned with who you are.

But rather than admit that to yourself or other people, which could well be very threatening, you go through the motions of looking for a job, not getting it, because you are vibrationally aligned with it and then you can say: "Well I tried, but I didn't get it" and people will sympathise because at least you've been trying or seen to be trying.

2. Allow yourself to want to keep the problem

Paradoxically, once you acknowledge that you want to keep hold of the problem (especially if you now know how it is serving you), it often becomes less of a problem, as you can now begin to see it for the illusion that it actually is. Let it be okay to have and to hold. Admit to yourself that your problem is serving you and that,in some ways, you actually enjoy it; it provides you with attention, justification, your ego just loves it. Lighten up around the problem and it lightens its grip on you.

Remember that problems are illusory. They just seem real and often we manifest physical symbols and responses to our feelings and energetic patterns towards problems.

3. Release the energetic pattern of the problem

One way to view a long standing problem is to use your imagination and see it as an energetic pattern which can be released. This is what the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) does, it releases the negative energy and beliefs which the problem consists of. Because we are often wedded to our problems, EFT offers a way for us to detach from the problem by allowing us to state all our feelings around the problems, whilst releasing the energy behind it.

It allows to us to state all of the feelings that we often feel uncomfortable about saying, but are within our belief system and energetic patterning. Try using EFT whilst asking yourself incisive questions about your problem and see what your unconscious brings up. You may be very surprised! Alternatively, visit an EFT Practitioner, at least for a couple of sessions to start getting to what is behind a long standing or recurring problem

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Dealing With Energy Vampires Part 3: Setting boundaries by raising your consciousness

I read an article by Steve Pavlina on how our relationships with other people are only ever projections of our relationship with ourselves. He says that our internal and external relationships are the same and that we are only viewing our relationships through the lens of our own consciousness. It also means that we are acting in accordance to our levels of consciousness as well.

With this in mind, we can start to look at our relationships differently and see that any problems that we have in a relationship are only signals to change our consciousness and relationships we have with ourselves.

Steve Pavlina gives an example of tidiness. He is tidy. His wife is not. This could be a source of conflict between himself and his wife. But now he understands it as a projection of his internal conflict and takes it to mean that his desire for his wife to be tidier is really his desire to be more tidy himself. So he worked on improving his standards of tidiness.

As he did this his wife became more organized and tidy.

Be The Change That You Want To See

It seems that this change is due to the change in his own energy vibration and consciousness which his wife then (unconsciously it seems) responded to. This approach can best be summarised by Gandhi's phrase: "Be the change you want to see". I have heard this phrase for a long time, but only recently has it actually sunk in as to how powerful it is.

What does this have to do with setting boundaries?

Every article I read on setting boundaries talks about voicing setting external boundaries. It's about telling people what is and isn't acceptable and taking action (if necessary) to enforce your boundaries.

All well and good, but look at it through this new filter. What if people breaching your boundaries was a signal to you to stop breaching your own boundaries? As within, so without. When you stop disrespecting your own boundaries, then others will stop doing so. They will have heeded the unconscious energetic vibration that you are giving out.

It's not just a nice theory. I experience a change in in how I'm treated when I respect my own boundaries and when I don't.

Breaching my own boundaries

I've been breaching my own boundaries recently through lack of self care and because of that was asked to do something that violated my values. Feeling tired, I just gave in and thought that it would be all right to do so. Afterwards I experienced a great deal of anger - a sure sign that a boundary had been breached.

In fact, I had breached my own boundaries much much earlier over a period of time and since we are all connected what happened was merely an external manifestation of it. It was a real wake up call.

How do we breach our own boundaries?

There are numerous ways to do so because human beings are infinitely creative, however you may recognise yourself in the following:

- Lack of self care. Looking after yourself on a physical level gives you the energy to take your place fully in the world. Highly sensitive people, in particular, need to sleep well and at an appropriate time, eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and have a regular spiritual practice. Self care is probably the most important one on this list. The rest will come easier if your physical body is well cared for. The result aren't just physical, it contributes to your emotional self management and regulation.

- Going against your values (if you know what they are) is a fundamental breach of boundaries and sense of self. Doing something to go along with the crowd when it jars with you is a popular one.

- By not doing what brings you joy and living with the heaviness of duty, obligation, anger and resentment.

- Becoming a chronic people pleaser - trying to manage others' emotions because you can't bear it if they're unhappy, angry etc. You try to manage them because you find it difficult to manage your own.

- Having negative and self limiting thoughts and beliefs about your capabilities. Thought often enough, these thoughts become part of your energy field and you begin radiating those negative beliefs, which other people pick up on and manifest for you in a more tangible form.

Honouring your boundaries energetically

Many articles will often state that you should identify what your boundaries are and make them clear to others around you. It's one way of doing it, I suppose, but what they neglect to mention is that it is your vibration which determines if your boundary is honoured or how often you have to repeat the action.

If you feel energetically shaky or ambivalent (for whatever reason) whilst attempting to strengthen your boundaries, others will not take your word seriously because they sense that you are vibrationally confused about the boundary yourself.

It is a good idea to start writing down what your boundaries are (and it helps to identify them first by noting times when you've been/felt angry or resentful and asking yourself what boundary has been transgressed).

Then use energy psychology, something simple and self applied for instance, like the Emotional Freedom Technique to start addresssing some of these issues. You can also visit an EFT practitioner to help you address issues relating to the setting of boundaries, which often masks other problems.

It may seem harder to address setting boundaries this way, but it is actually more effective and less energy consuming. If you use energy psychology on what your boundaries are, people unconsciously sense a vibrational change and won't breach them, so that you don't have to say anything - your vibration does it for you. And it is always your vibration that people are actually responding to; not your words.

This concept is a great way to start addressing problems and conflicts in your life and goes against the grain of blaming others or taking the popular victim stance.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Dealing with Energy Vampires: Part 2 – How to Stop Being an Energy Vampire (and attracting Energy Vampires)

As I’ve thought about the different ways in which to stop being an Energy Vampire (E.V), it is obvious yet again that similar guidance applies to stop being an E.V.A.

And it’s more than about a listing of things to do, more than just a set of procedures to follow. What I find missing in articles dealing with this subject is the importance of context and setting your life in a broader context.


1. Develop a Compelling Vision For Your Life

If all someone wants to do is to stop being an E.V, then that in and of itself is not a compelling reason to stop. This is about setting your life in a broader context. It is about a complete reorientation of your approach. It’s about developing a vision of your life that pulls you in and inspires you to make changes. It is about developing a structure that supports what you want to be and achieve in life (note the order).

What part of yourself have you cut off? When did you stop dreaming? What dreams did you have as a child? When did you stop feeling less than alive inside? What makes you feel excited? If you had all the resource and support in the world what would you do? What is your mission in life? Where are you shortchanging yourself?

If you’re an energy vampire, you have cut yourself off from the Universal Source that is available for all of us and relying on taking from those who are less than secure in setting boundaries regarding their own energy.

Developing a compelling vision isn’t something that necessarily happens in a flash of inspiration, although it could do. There are different ways to discover and uncover it. One popular way is to write your own obituary. This normally frightens people, at least initially, but it certainly shows you where the gaps are in your life.

Steve Pavlina offers a very good way of discovering your life purpose in which you: 1. take out a blank piece of paper or open up a word processor file. 2. Write at the top: “What is my true purpose in life?”. 3. Write any answer that pops into your head. 4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose. I recommend this because I’ve done it and it really does work.

You can also engage a Coach/Therapist/Counsellor to help you with this. Or do it with a friend. The point is, until you have something bigger that encompasses your life and informs your behaviour and actions, it’s unlikely that you’ll be inspired enough to make those changes.

If you are purposeful, passionate and create appropriate structures in your life to support your vision, solutions tend to present themselves as a by product and self destructive behaviour tends to fall away.

2. Reorient Your Attitudes and Beliefs

What gets in the way of developing your vision, setting up more effective and beneficial structures and habits is often your own unconscious and limiting beliefs. Case study after case study on the Emotional Freedom Technique site illustrates this. Often these beliefs were formed (imposed) upon you when you were too young to resist and are still unconsciously driving you and most likely stopping you from living a fuller life.

If you’re an E.V one of those beliefs is likely to be that you deserve to have other people’s time, expertise and energy, often free of charge. You probably don’t realise that we all have access to Source Energy or Universal Flow and that if you are an E.V, you have blocked your own access and are siphoning off other people’s energy, who don’t have protection from yours.

If you’re an E.V.A, one of those beliefs is likely to be that other people come first in your life. You must always help other people, often at the detriment to your own physical and emotional well being.

Another limiting belief is that you are not responsible for your feelings and emotions and that other people are. Because E.V.As in particular feel that, at some level, they are responsible for the way that other's feel and that they must manage them, they also expect the same in return. This rarely happens.

It is not always about making things happen, but allowing things to happen, which implies a kind of passivity, but in fact is a very effective use of energy. It’s about working smarter (if indeed you call it work at all) not harder. Taking other people’s energy actually takes more energy than allowing yourself access to Source Energy.

Releasing your limiting beliefs about yourself and the world around you will do so much to increase your own energy levels. These beliefs can often be very hard to detect because they’ve been part of your energy system for such a long time. Energy psychology, especially EFT offers a fantastic way to recognise and release limiting beliefs. You may find, as I have done, that when you release beliefs that have weighed on you for long that you feel lighter. Because you are. (Check out the weight loss section on the search facility on the EFT site to read how beliefs literally weigh on us) EFT also offers ways to install more positive beliefs to replace the limiting ones that you’ve released.

Identify and Plug Your Energy Leaks

Whether you are an E.V or an E.V.A, you are leaking energy, either from being the subject of a vampiric attack or by taking other’s energy to make up for leakages in your own energy system. You know if an activity or a person’s presence either uplifts you or makes you want to run for the hills! Here are some of the most common ones.

1. Not enough sleep

Lack of sleep is one of the great stressors in modern industrialised society. Sleep allows us to process emotions, ideas and solutions. Sleep allows us to repair and renew our bodies; it also regulates our weight. And it’s not just a case of how much sleep, but when. Getting to sleep by 10pm gives you a better quality of sleep, more cleansing and deeply refreshing.

The importance of sleep really cannot be overstated. If insomnia is a problem, then writing down your issues before you sleep can help. Of course, the insomnia might be symptomatic of a much deeper problem, which you may need assistance with. EFT is a wonderfully self applied tool which can help you get to sleep at night. Developing a ritual around bedtime and relaxing before you sleep will also help.

2. Over stimulation and noise

Many of us are completely over stimulated. How many of us turn on the T.V or Radio or even play music as soon as we get in? Watching TV without really engaging with it is very tiring. Haven’t you had that experience of watching TV all day and feeling more tired than if you’d done something more energetic? It is draining. Turn it off and do something else instead. Or really watch something and enjoy it. Same thing with surfing the Internet. What are you distracting yourself from?

3. Spending too much time with people who drain you (naturally!)

This one is fairly obvious. For E.V.As there’s often a sense of acknowledgement or duty around spending time with E.Vs. They feel guilty if they don’t listen to their problems, especially if they are family members or friends. You don’t “owe” them. They're responsible for their own feelings. You owe yourself, first of all. Learning to set strong boundaries will help. I’ll write a separate post on this.

4. Unacknowledged and unprocessed anger and resentment

Unacknowledged and or unprocessed anger and resentment are one of the most effective energy drains. Their effectiveness lies in their unconsciousness. Are truly happy people E.Vs or E.V.As? I don’t think so. Thinking constantly about past hurts and finding it hard to move on makes it hard to live a fulfilling life. Releasing your anger and resentment is one of the best things that you can do for your health.

5. No or not enough exercise

Energy begets energy. Swimming, going to the gym, regular walks, go up and down the stairs instead of using the lift, Yoga, Pilates. Whatever floats your boat. But human beings are meant to move. So move. It grounds you.

6. Poor diet

I’m not talking about the different diet books that are out there. Just recognising the right kind of diet for you. It means noting what type of foods give you energy and which ones don’t. It may mean a bit of trial and error and experimentation. What it isn’t is following a faddy diet.

7. Lack of money

Money is just another form of energy, so once you raise your energy levels, you raise your capacity to make, create and attract more money. You are also more likely to see opportunities that you didn’t before because you have greater clarity.

8. Reduce overcommitment

Alternatively known as learning how to say “no”. This can be a really difficult one, especially if we’re addicted to being needed and have an ego that loves to be recognised and credited. Sometimes we'll also say yes out of duty and guilt and obligation. Again setting strong boundaries will help reduce the tendency to overcommit and reduce our energy levels.

9. Various forms of addictions

I’m not just talking about the hard ones that we all know about – drink, drugs, alcohol and gambling, but also “soft” addictions like shopping, surfing the Internet, watching TV. All forms of addictions are energy leakages of the highest order. Start clearing these up and feel your energy levels soar!


So, after plugging the gaps and leaks, you start to identify what gives you energy. Much of this will be the opposite of the list above ie get more sleep, reduce stimulation and noise, get more exercise, improve your diet and so on. And here are additional ones.

1. Spend time in nature

Being in nature is calming and soothing to our spirits, which is why property close to the sea or river, overlooking parks, in or close to the countryside commands higher prices than those which are not. Spending time in nature on a regular basis rejuvenates the spirit and increases your energy levels. I could never understand why, at lunch break, work colleagues would rush to buy their sandwiches and then eat them at their desk, when we were fortunate enough to work near parks no more than five minutes walk away.

2. Allow yourself more downtime

We all vary in our need for time and solitude. Highly Sensitive People in particular need plenty of time to process the energy around them and to ground and centre themselves. In not allowing yourself the time alone you need to refresh your batteries you are not only doing yourself, but other people around you, a grave disservice. That time is required for self regulation and emotional management. I find that ideas and solutions come to me more often in that downtime, than any amount of thinking about an issue.

3. Find a creative outlet

Your new found energy needs a positive outlet, otherwise it can go into other more self destructive activities. In fact I think that a lot of so called self destructive behaviour is normally a cry for help, to access the more creative and joyful part of ourselves (linked into the compelling vision of our lives).

4. Set strong boundaries

Setting strong boundaries is essential to nurture and enhance your mind, body and spirit. E.V.As suffer terribly from an inability or reluctance to set strong boundaries. And the ability to do so, especially on an energetic level, will reduce the risk of energy vampirism and free up your energy levels. This topic is so important that the next post and final part of this series will be devoted to setting strong boundaries.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Dealing with Energy Vampires: Part 1: Definitions of a Vampire

I'm writing this post in response to a question left by Anonymous on a post I made titled: Energy Vampires: Cutting The Ties That Bind.

This subject is especially pertinent to me right now and is a very important one.

This will be a short series on this subject because it is such an important one and I thought that I'd start off with definitions and characteristics not just of the Energy Vampire (EV) but also those who tend to attract Energy Vampires, whom I shall call the Energy Vampire Attractors (EVA).

Most of what I’ve ready about energy vampirism suggests that the EV and the EVA are often different people. This can be true on occasion. There are some people whose loudness,boorishness and self centredness makes them very draining to be with (although others may also see them as life and soul of the party).

However, this is not always the case. I've been both an energy vampire and been the subject of energy vampirism and also have the benefit of the perspective of the Law of Attraction and the setting strong boundaries to provide further insight into this important topic.

What is an energy vampire?

There are various definitions and the most simplest one is that Energy Vampires are those people who suck the life force out of you. They are often highly people whose own energy is blocked, unbeknown to them and therefore they seek to extract it from others. They may also be attention seekers, very insecure in and of themselves and needing the energy of others (ie their attention) to validate their worth.

Characteristics of the E.V and E.V.A

When I started writing down the characteristics of E.Vs and E.V.As, I realised that there were a lot of similiarities. In fact there is a great deal of crossover between them and different types of characteristics will often reside in the same person. Which characteristics emerge depends on the energetic environment they are in and the individual dynamic between different individuals.

This makes sense when you think of the Law of Attraction, as popularised by Abraham Hicks, the simple concept of which is: "like attracts like". In other words we attract into our experience that which we are in vibrational harmony with. So if you have a tendency to be an E.V.A, you must realise that you are vibrating in such a manner to attract E.Vs; it is no coincidence. In my experience some characteristics of the E.V are:

  • Constant complaining and whining without seriously seeking a resolution to their "problems";
  • At a more subtle level, they exude an air of negativity and often vibrate with fear, anger and anxiety, which can be easily activated if they feel unsafe or threatened in any way;
  • Don't take responsibility for their own feelings and emotions and blame others for how they feel;
  • There is a sense of entitlement (esp from family members), "you owe me";
  • Often want others to be ultra sensitive and protective of their feelings;
  • Can be self indulgent attention seekers who will "suck all of the oxygen out of the room";
  • Have a tendency to withdraw as a coping mechanism - have limited coping skills in general;
  • Find it difficult to openly and honestly express/process a full range of their feelings and so end up repressing them, which leads to a reduction of their own energy which then causes them to seek energy from others;
  • Unconsciously reluctant to own their own power or take responsibility for it – may feel unsafe for them to do so;
  • They may also be intuitive empaths, who unwittingly take on others’ emotions and find it difficult to separate their emotions from others;
  • May need constant reassurance to make up for their lack of self confidence emotional neediness and dependency;
  • Cannot set strong boundaries or are afraid to do so;
  • Not always fully present and in their body, sometimes look and act “spacey”;
  • Poor self care – they may not even recognise the need for good self care;
  • Dependent upon others' approval and opinions;
  • Try to connect with people inappropriately and don’t see the signs that people are not responding or are reluctantly responding, therefore lack awareness of the effect that they are having on someone;
  • Invade your personal space. They get too close to you, you move away and then they get closer;
  • Often feel uncomfortable to be around and you can’t logically figure out why;
  • Can sometimes come across as self conscious and awkward;
  • May have suffered from several traumatic experiences in their childhood and these have been etched onto their energy systems with the accompanying buried emotions;
  • Little capacity for self reflection and insight, probably because of fear or resurrecting or dwelling on past traumatic experiences, fear of being overwhelmed by them.
  • May often be very popular - "the life and soul of the party" - but their need to be the centre of attention often masks a great deal of insecurity, which needs the attention (energy) and validation from others.

Characteristics of the E.V.A

And what of the characteristics of the E.V.A? Fairly similar, actually. All of the E.V list can equally be applied to those who attract Energy Vampires. But obviously there will be differences. E.V.As also tend to be intuitive empaths who empathise with other people’s feelings to such a degree that they feel their feelings – which can be exhausting and:

  • Have a tendency to want to “fix” other people’s emotional problems;
  • Are afraid to stand up for themselves because they’re afraid of offending others;
  • Often empower other people at the expense of their own well being;
  • Allow other people to run their lives;
  • Want to take care of other people;
  • Are affected by other people’s conflicts and dramas and are then sucked into being involved when it’s none of their business;
  • Fear making waves or confrontation – feels very threatening to their sensitive and empathic nature;
  • Have been brought up not to make waves;
  • Are chronic people pleasers, suffering from toxic niceness;
  • Often feel intimidated by the expression of strong emotions;
  • Relinquish and give away their own personal power, often unconsciously;
  • Sometimes doubt their own feelings (when they can work out which ones they are!). Their high sensitivity and empathic nature doesn’t find much validation in society generally.

Intuitive empaths love to connect deeply with other people. They think and feel and vibrate very, very deeply and often have difficulty finding people with whom they can have that real heartfelt (but not always romantic) connection with. However, they also have trouble setting boundaries and with a tendency to give their energy away often attract those who will abuse their good nature.

Everything happens on a vibrational level

As everything happens on a vibrational level, you can imagine what happens when someone who vibrates with the energy of an E.V goes into a party with a number of different people, including E.V.As? You’ve got it! There’s the E.V. consciously or subconsciously looking for energy to take and there’s the E.V.A with the tendency to giving their energy away. It’s a perfect match!

Why is it that some people end up have the same abusive relationship with different people? It’s because their vibration is constantly attracting the same type of person, who may look and sound different at the beginning, which lures them in. It then progresses to the unconscious energetic and vibrational pattern that has already been prepared.

So how do you stop being an Energy Vampire and how do you reduce your risk to Energy Vampirism? This will be answered in the next posting.

Watch this space.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Survival is Everything

I've often wondered why it seemed to be that those who were consciously on a spiritual path (I believe that we all are, but some people are more explicit about it) often felt like the black sheep of their family.

They felt as though they never fitted in and that they were often castigated for their feelings. Normally the most sensitive in the family, or one of the most sensitive, they pick up the implicit, but predominant energetic messages and signatures in any household and often become the emotional containers for all of the emotions that other members of the family will not express or even realise that they have.

The archetypal difference between marriage and partnership

Listening to Caroline Myss's show on Hay House Radio shone a new light on it. One of her shows was about the difference between marriage and partnership. Marriage (and children) is primarily about survival. In fact, until fairly recently (last 150 years) this was very explicit. Marriage was to secure property, enhance economic prospects and security.

Partnership is about witnessing the growth of another individual, their flaws, their struggles and having them witnessing your own and growing together through all of this. This is very idealized.

What does this have to do with being black sheep in the family?

Well, lets use a personal example.

I've always had the belief that my family of origin have my best interests at heart. At times I've unconsciously energetically given my power away to them because I've believed that they knew best and wanted for me what I wanted for myself. I had confused the family model with the partnership model.

But now I realise that it is about survival, it shifts my whole perception. I see that everyone has their own agendas about survival (mostly unconscious to them too) and are operating out of that space and that in fact it has nothing to do with me. And that I, of course, have my own (often unconscious and conscious) survival needs operating too. Once I acknowledge and bring them to the surface (often via energy therapy) then they can be released and I can truly grow and develop as a person. This is next to impossible if you are emotionally or physically always at the survival level. You spend practically all of your time and energy trying to feel safe.

Limitations of the survival mode of operation

Unknowingly operating at the survival level puts real limitations on your personal and spiritual growth. Because when survival is your mode of operation, you become prone to people pleasing, seeking approval, taking on other people's energies and holding back on your own ambitions and desires where you see that they conflict with the tribal setting. At its worst, this internal conflict often manifests as illness.

Personal and spiritual growth involves breaking away from the tribal mindset where it doesn't foster your greater growth. This can often be very difficult, because we often feel as if our surivival is threatened if we are thrown out of the tribe. Allowing ourselves to grow and develop often feels very threatening to the tribe, who will often try to sabotage efforts to move away, physically and emotionally. Because the tribe's main concern is to keep the tribe together. To keep it surviving. And to keep it in its original organizing structure.

On Caroline Myss's online radio show "Sacred Contracts" (The Symbolic Stresses Underlying Lupus edition) she describes how a young woman was about to leave home to join the Peace Corps. On the day that she is due to leave, her mother develops a mystery terminal illness. So the daughter didn't go to the Peace Corps. It kept her at home. Any time the daughter wanted to pursue her own ambitions, the mother used illness (subconsciously?) as a means to keep her daughter within the tribe.

The frustration and rage of this built up in her immune system. Part of the frustration and rage was due to the guilt that she felt, but also the conflict she was experiencing. So the anger remains and she is unable to confront her mother about her pattern of manipulation. With nowhere for these feelings to go they manifest as an illness, as dis-ease. In this case, lupus.

My belief is that highly sensitive people are especially prone to developing chronic illnesses due to emotional dysfunction within a family. Where a person's qualities and skills (esp empathic ones) are not acknowledged and validated and they are forced to "go underground" as it were due to survival fears, the ground is set for future emotional and physical dysfunction.