Monday, September 17, 2007

Dealing with Energy Vampires: Part 1: Definitions of a Vampire

I'm writing this post in response to a question left by Anonymous on a post I made titled: Energy Vampires: Cutting The Ties That Bind.

This subject is especially pertinent to me right now and is a very important one.

This will be a short series on this subject because it is such an important one and I thought that I'd start off with definitions and characteristics not just of the Energy Vampire (EV) but also those who tend to attract Energy Vampires, whom I shall call the Energy Vampire Attractors (EVA).

Most of what I’ve ready about energy vampirism suggests that the EV and the EVA are often different people. This can be true on occasion. There are some people whose loudness,boorishness and self centredness makes them very draining to be with (although others may also see them as life and soul of the party).

However, this is not always the case. I've been both an energy vampire and been the subject of energy vampirism and also have the benefit of the perspective of the Law of Attraction and the setting strong boundaries to provide further insight into this important topic.

What is an energy vampire?

There are various definitions and the most simplest one is that Energy Vampires are those people who suck the life force out of you. They are often highly people whose own energy is blocked, unbeknown to them and therefore they seek to extract it from others. They may also be attention seekers, very insecure in and of themselves and needing the energy of others (ie their attention) to validate their worth.

Characteristics of the E.V and E.V.A

When I started writing down the characteristics of E.Vs and E.V.As, I realised that there were a lot of similiarities. In fact there is a great deal of crossover between them and different types of characteristics will often reside in the same person. Which characteristics emerge depends on the energetic environment they are in and the individual dynamic between different individuals.

This makes sense when you think of the Law of Attraction, as popularised by Abraham Hicks, the simple concept of which is: "like attracts like". In other words we attract into our experience that which we are in vibrational harmony with. So if you have a tendency to be an E.V.A, you must realise that you are vibrating in such a manner to attract E.Vs; it is no coincidence. In my experience some characteristics of the E.V are:

  • Constant complaining and whining without seriously seeking a resolution to their "problems";
  • At a more subtle level, they exude an air of negativity and often vibrate with fear, anger and anxiety, which can be easily activated if they feel unsafe or threatened in any way;
  • Don't take responsibility for their own feelings and emotions and blame others for how they feel;
  • There is a sense of entitlement (esp from family members), "you owe me";
  • Often want others to be ultra sensitive and protective of their feelings;
  • Can be self indulgent attention seekers who will "suck all of the oxygen out of the room";
  • Have a tendency to withdraw as a coping mechanism - have limited coping skills in general;
  • Find it difficult to openly and honestly express/process a full range of their feelings and so end up repressing them, which leads to a reduction of their own energy which then causes them to seek energy from others;
  • Unconsciously reluctant to own their own power or take responsibility for it – may feel unsafe for them to do so;
  • They may also be intuitive empaths, who unwittingly take on others’ emotions and find it difficult to separate their emotions from others;
  • May need constant reassurance to make up for their lack of self confidence emotional neediness and dependency;
  • Cannot set strong boundaries or are afraid to do so;
  • Not always fully present and in their body, sometimes look and act “spacey”;
  • Poor self care – they may not even recognise the need for good self care;
  • Dependent upon others' approval and opinions;
  • Try to connect with people inappropriately and don’t see the signs that people are not responding or are reluctantly responding, therefore lack awareness of the effect that they are having on someone;
  • Invade your personal space. They get too close to you, you move away and then they get closer;
  • Often feel uncomfortable to be around and you can’t logically figure out why;
  • Can sometimes come across as self conscious and awkward;
  • May have suffered from several traumatic experiences in their childhood and these have been etched onto their energy systems with the accompanying buried emotions;
  • Little capacity for self reflection and insight, probably because of fear or resurrecting or dwelling on past traumatic experiences, fear of being overwhelmed by them.
  • May often be very popular - "the life and soul of the party" - but their need to be the centre of attention often masks a great deal of insecurity, which needs the attention (energy) and validation from others.

Characteristics of the E.V.A

And what of the characteristics of the E.V.A? Fairly similar, actually. All of the E.V list can equally be applied to those who attract Energy Vampires. But obviously there will be differences. E.V.As also tend to be intuitive empaths who empathise with other people’s feelings to such a degree that they feel their feelings – which can be exhausting and:

  • Have a tendency to want to “fix” other people’s emotional problems;
  • Are afraid to stand up for themselves because they’re afraid of offending others;
  • Often empower other people at the expense of their own well being;
  • Allow other people to run their lives;
  • Want to take care of other people;
  • Are affected by other people’s conflicts and dramas and are then sucked into being involved when it’s none of their business;
  • Fear making waves or confrontation – feels very threatening to their sensitive and empathic nature;
  • Have been brought up not to make waves;
  • Are chronic people pleasers, suffering from toxic niceness;
  • Often feel intimidated by the expression of strong emotions;
  • Relinquish and give away their own personal power, often unconsciously;
  • Sometimes doubt their own feelings (when they can work out which ones they are!). Their high sensitivity and empathic nature doesn’t find much validation in society generally.

Intuitive empaths love to connect deeply with other people. They think and feel and vibrate very, very deeply and often have difficulty finding people with whom they can have that real heartfelt (but not always romantic) connection with. However, they also have trouble setting boundaries and with a tendency to give their energy away often attract those who will abuse their good nature.

Everything happens on a vibrational level

As everything happens on a vibrational level, you can imagine what happens when someone who vibrates with the energy of an E.V goes into a party with a number of different people, including E.V.As? You’ve got it! There’s the E.V. consciously or subconsciously looking for energy to take and there’s the E.V.A with the tendency to giving their energy away. It’s a perfect match!

Why is it that some people end up have the same abusive relationship with different people? It’s because their vibration is constantly attracting the same type of person, who may look and sound different at the beginning, which lures them in. It then progresses to the unconscious energetic and vibrational pattern that has already been prepared.

So how do you stop being an Energy Vampire and how do you reduce your risk to Energy Vampirism? This will be answered in the next posting.

Watch this space.


At July 08, 2008 8:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Have you posted part II of this? I must admit, your description of EVA is me to a tee, and the EV description fits the girl I'm involved with to a tee. I think she may have BPD. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to break up with her, she's just really draining me and I'm actually beginning to become physically ill. I hate that, because she's not a bad persona at all.

At July 09, 2008 12:42 PM, Blogger Julie Plenty said...

Yes I have posted part II and pt III as well on setting boundaries which you should find helpful.


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