Saturday, October 21, 2006

How Safe Do You Feel?

One of the most frustrating, yet very common, situations within coaching or any kind of personal development work is when people say that they want to change or that they want a situation to change, but they are reluctant change their energy/vibration or thought patterns/actions to facilitate that change.

They can listen to someone talk about how resisting the way things are makes it harder to change not easier and that you can't control other people or wish that they were different; it's more productive (not to say easier!) to accept them the way they are. That we create our experience of reality and so on.

They can acknowledge all of this on an intellectual level, yet when the opportunity appears for them to put this into practice, they revert back to old patterns or worse, don't even recognize the opportunity. They continue complaining about what someone did to them, they continue to act as though they are victims and that there is nothing that they can do about anything.

Why should this be?

There are a number of reasons, but ultimately I think that it all goes down to one core issue: feeling safe.

If, at a very basic level, making changes (even if desired) stirs up often unconscious feelings of feeling unsafe, then the desire to feel safe will override the desire to make the change. People may be scared to make changes because they believe that:

  • It'll damage their relationships/friendships beyond repair;
  • Expectations will be higher and they'll be expected to continue to deliver;
  • By letting go of a habit that is no longer serving them, they'll lose the reason they bond with their peer group (ie smoking)

These are just a few reasons, but there are numerous others. However, until the issue of feeling safe is dealt with, then the desired changes are unlikely to take place and even if they do, there is a hollow feeling about them.

We all have feelings of unsafety to some degree, but the key issue is how much it is holding us back from living the kind of life and feeling the way that we want.

EFT offers a very effective and often gentle way to address the safety issue. So, if you've been working on a particular area of your life and are not making much progress, investigate whether feeling unsafe is at the root of it. Ask yourself:

"What is the disadvantage(s) to me of making this change" (and if you're not making progress, then there is always a hidden fear present)

"How safe do I feel about this?"

Note the disadvantages and more importantly how you honestly feel about them. And systematically start tapping on the disadvantages and the feelings behind them.

Until next time.....................

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